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April 29, 2021

A Notary notarizes the My Pillow Guy

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 6:08 am

NOTARY: Hello Mike, how is everything?

MIKE: It’s been rough. People are cancelling me left and right because of my political beliefs. It’s like living in a communist country.

NOTARY: Well, I’m not going to cancel you. May I see some ID?

MIKE: Here you go.

NOTARY: Let’s see, you want to be notarized as Michael J Lindell, but your ID says only Michael Lindell. Sorry… I’m canceling you based on your ID, but not your political views.

MIKE: It has the J there. Time to see an eye doctor.

NOTARY: I just don’t like the way people cut you off, and without any type of landing pad. There was no cushion to your landing. And all because of your PILLOW-tical views.

MIKE: It’s because the pillow guy is “in bed” with the enemy, at least from their point of view. On the other hand, maybe the cancellers got up on the wrong side of the bed.

NOTARY: For them, every side of the bed is the wrong side.

MIKE: I’ll sign to that!

NOTARY: Well maybe you should resolve your issues with the left by having a pillow fight. By the way. I just love how you get all excited over something so mundane as a pillow. You get as excited about pillows as I get just thinking about my future trip to Japan where I will do sake tasting, see amazing parts of Tokyo with the most unique shopping on the planet, and see Buddhist temples in Kyoto.

MIKE: You’re right. I guess I’m a bit eccentric. But, that Egyptian cotton is something else.

NOTARY: I bet Amazon probably cut you off. They have become a bunch of Piranhas in the last few years which is an interesting insight. I guess their business name has a lot of metaphysical impact on their character.

MIKE: Hmm. Very interesting. I never thought of that. So, what does my business name make me — a big softy?

NOTARY: Actually, you kind of act like that… I think you are correct in your assertation. (pause) Please sign here. (pause) According to Judaism, your name is very important. The most famous story in the Torah is when Rachel’s son Benoni’s name was changed to Benjamin. From: son of my sorrows to: son of my right hand. Rachel had to change the boy’s name otherwise he would attract a negative and sorrowful future. But, you are named after an angel, so I guess you are on the right track. And I think angels like pillows.

MIKE: I should order some new wings from Amazon assuming I’m not banned from there. I should get a warranty on angelic wings too if I get some. Angel wings, not teriyaki wings — just wanted to clarify that.

NOTARY: Can you sign the journal? Uh-huh…. Okay. I’m going to stamp the document. You are good to go. Your new pillow contract is good now — REST ASSURED.

MIKE: Another pillow reference.

NOTARY: Have you ever thought of making coffins too? Dead people like to be comfortable too — I’ve heard.

MIKE: I would like to create a coffin for dead people who vote by mail who need to get in and out of that coffin and go to the post office. There’s a big market for those folks, at least as of 2020.

NOTARY: Good point.How about a briefcase with a very soft exterior, or a Notary journal with a very soft cover?

MIKE: Not much of a market for that, but sounds like a great idea. Well thanks for the Affidavit, do I need to swear to anything?

NOTARY: Your notarization was an Acknowledgment and doesn’t include an Oath. But, I am so good with Oaths, I can give them in my sleep… I swear it!

MIKE: Uh…. another pillow reference. I saw that one coming. Okay, it was fun. Let’s hope that this cancel culture ends soon.

NOTARY: And if it doesn’t, you can suffocate it with one of your products.

MIKE: Another one. That one I didn’t see coming!


1 Comment »

  1. This is really funny. I wish your blog got more coverage!

    Comment by derpne — May 8, 2021 @ 1:01 pm

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