Some us us don’t like dogs. And some of us like dog owners even less. Many dog owners love their dogs and can’t understand that the rest of the world doesn’t like their slobbering friend licking them, or their little white fluffy dog sniffing their toes. Then there are the ferocious dogs that growl in a petrifying manner to which the owner says, “oh… he’s friendly.”

Just because your dog is allegedly “friendly” doesn’t prove he won’t bite. There is a first time for everything. It also doesn’t meant that I’m friendly — because I’m not, unless you are a well behaved organism.

ME: Hey, keep him away from me.

DOG OWNER: Oh, he’s friendly.

ME: I didn’t give your “friendly” dog permission to molest me.

DOG OWNER: Oh, are you afraid of dogs?

ME: I didn’t say I’m afraid, I just don’t like being assaulted by weapons of mass slobber-struction.

DOG OWNER: He won’t hurt you

ME: I’ll come back with my mentally ill younger brother and he will molest your wife, daughter and other females in your family. And when you complain and look aghast, I’ll say — “Oh, he’s friendly.”

DOG OWNER: You jerk!

ME: See how you like it when you are on the receiving end buck-o!

So, what I recommend is to call ahead and make sure that if they have dogs, that the dogs are behind a locked door. In my experience, dog owners are by definition extremely careless and rarely think about the legal implications of being sued for their pooch biting someone. They are also intrinsically careless about being considerate to those who don’t share their love of dogs.

It is common for the dog behind a “locked” door to mysteriously escape from the locked compartment and start bothering you or scaring the hell out of you. It might be hard core, but you could threaten to leave the minute you see a dog not separated from you by a locked door. Let them know you are serious in a polite way.

Dealing with dogs is no joke. One time a signer came to the door with a loaded gun drawn because there was a pitt bull running around the neighborhood. The notary was afraid, but the gun was to protect them from the dog and not to mug the notary. It’s not a bad idea to bring pepper spray either because the dog owners often will not protect you at all from their crazy and disturbing pets.

Remember – dogs and cats are a reflection of the character of the owner. If the owner is deranged, so will their dogs be.