Trump Rallies the Notary-publicans

President Trump took his reelection campaign to the heart of notary country today to try to rally his base.

DJT: Look at this crowd of notaries! This is an even bigger crowd than the crowd who showed up for my Inaugural. There must be dozens and dozens of you. Whoever booked me for this time waster, as in my old job… “You’re fired.”

I’ve gotten more done for notaries in my first two and a half years than Presidents Obama and Bush put together. The numbers of jobs for notaries witnessing the signings of executive orders putting immigrant kids in cages is through the roof, am I right? And it’s a beautiful, fantastic roof. Almost as beautiful as the wall I’m pretending to build I pretended Mexico would pay for.

I see a lot of credible witnesses in the crowd. I’m talking about a third person who personally knows the document signer and verifies the signer’s identity. And look, there’s the anything but credible witness, Don Junior. Chin up, Don. Oh, it’s already up? I couldn’t see it – it’s a very weak chin. Takes after one of my ex-wives, not me. Except for the “anything but credible” part. There he’s a chip off the old block.

We’re gonna have fantastic Errors and Omissions insurance for all you notaries. That’s because I want to protect a notary from any mistake that causes a financial loss to a client, so you won’t be sued for recovery, okay? I know all about being sued. You know who needs Errors and Omissions insurance? The fake news. I see you out there. CNN. MSNBC. They omit things all the time. Like how unbelievable fantastic I am. They make errors all the time. Like that footage of me walking up to Air Force One with toilet paper stuck on my shoe. It wasn’t toilet paper!

It was the Constitution. By the time I got done trampling over it, it looked like toilet paper, okay? And there was no collusion. No obstruction. That last one was a lie but I throw you so many, who can keep up?

And the Dems want to impeach me, because they’re bad, bad, disgusting, horrible people. And I’ll never resign. Whereas if you notaries resign your commission, you have to notify the Secretary of State’s office within 30 days. And not Secretary of State Crooked Hillary. That’s right…“Lock her up!” “Lock her up!” Wait, you’re not chanting it right. It’s “her,” not “him.” Stop chanting “Lock him up!” I’m not rooming with that mouth breather Michael Cohen! Forget it. Or Manafort. Do you know he dyes his hair?

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