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January 1, 2011

Noternity Court

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Popular on Linked In,Sit-Coms — Tags: , , , — admin @ 8:10 am

I’m tired of seeing all of these late night shows about people who can’t keep their pants on. Then, someone gets pregnant, and they don’t know who the father is. What is the future of our country if we can’t even bear children with two sane parents who are married I ask?

In any case. There is a new show call Noternity Court. There are some states that don’t require the use of a notary seal. The problem is, that if the notary’s handwriting is bad enough, you won’t be able to tell after the fact who notarized the document.

JEFF SIMONS: Your honor, it was 20 years ago. I can’t possibly remember if I notarized that document.

SAM (client) : It’s him… I swear it. If you overlook the balding head, the wrinkles around his eyes, and the extra 50 pounds he gained, that’s the same guy.

JEFF SIMONS: How can you be so sure?

JEFF SIMERS: Yeah, I have almost the exact same name and our signatures are so similar, how can you tell the difference.

JUDGE: You’re speaking out of order. Now, I’ve submitted your notary commission signatures and identification to a signature analysis crew. If necessary I’ll also have you take a lie detector test. Since the analysis is late. Let’s start with teh lie detector.

TECHNICIAN: Now, that we have you all wired, up I’m going to ask you a few questions.

JEFF SIMONS: Okay

TECHNICIAN: Is your name Jeff Simons.

JEFF SIMONS: Yes

TECHNICIAN: Were you a notary public in the year 1995

JEFF SIMONS: To the best of my knowledge.

TECHNICIAN: A simple yes or no will do. Our records show you were. Now, did you notarize with anyone else during the period when you were notarizing for Sam.

JEFF SIMONS: No, he was the only one.

TECHNICIAN: (pause) He’s telling the truth.

JUDGE: Okay, we have the signature analytics back. The analysis shows that … (pause)

We adjurn this court session for a special announcement.

There is a sale on journals at the ANS — Antiquated Notary Supplies. Don’t do a notary entry without a journal! Otherwise you might end up in Noternity Court.

JUDGE: Now, since your state doesn’t require you to use a notary seal or notary journal, it is very difficult to qeury a particular notary transaction. Do you know how critical these transactions are? What if you were signing off a Deed to a five million dollar property, and your handwriting was so bad they coudn’t tell who the notary was. I think you need to take your jobs a whole lot more seriously. Now, we got the DNA results back, and the handwriting analysis. Jeff Simons…. you are NOT, the notary!

JEFF SIMONS: I’m not? I can’t believe it. That’s fantastic, because I’m broke and can’t make any notary support payments.

JUDGE: Jeff Simers, you have a similar name to the other Jeff, but you are also not…. the notary!

JEFF SIMERS: I’m not? Well, who is?

JUDGE: The notary’s name is Jeff Somors, and he died in Nebraska many years ago. So, we can’t summon him

MEDIUM: Speak for yourself, we can do a seyonce.

JUDGE: Now, you’re talking, but that is not permissable in court. After all, how could we prove the identity of the spirit?

MEDIUM: The way we prove anyone else’s identity. Just have the spirit sign something, and ask your handwriting analyst!

JUDGE: I think we’re on to something!

Court Adjourned!

.

You might also like:

Notary dragged into court
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2635

Are you a Yes-tary or a No-tary?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16626

Can you send a loose acknowledgment? You should hear the answers!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16168

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A 2nd Date With jeremy

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular Overall — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 12:05 am

A 2nd date with Jeremy

Sealia and Jeremy hit it off, so much on their first date, it was time for a sequel. In fact, they had gotten to know each other so well, that if they were notarizing each other, they would say “Personally known” instad of using satisfactory evidence to identify the signer.

Sealia: “We know each other so well, we can complete each other’s Jurat verbiage”
Jeremy: “I know!”

So, this dynamic duo decides to see the movie, “A Case of Mistaken Identity”. It is a movie about someone who was notarized using a stolen ID card. The police were informed, and then arrested the wrong person. In any case, Jeremy asked
what type of rating the movie had, such as “G”, “PG”, “R”, 2 thumbs up, etc. Sealia replied that the movie got four stars on Notary Rotary.

The couple drove to the theater and parked. Jeremy wanted to use a credit card to purchase tickets.
The ticket lady said, “May I see some ID please?”
Jeremy misheard her and thought she asked the name of the movie he wanted to see.
Jeremy said, “A case of mistaken identity”
Ticket Lady, “No, there’s nothing wrong with your identity, the picture on this ID looks just like you, and your eyes really are blue — hold on, let me take a closer look — yup…”
Jeremy: “No, not the ID, the movie”
Ticket Lady, “Oh, so you mistook the identity of the movie!”
Jeremy: “No, I mistook what you said when you asked for my ID”
Ticket Lady, “Never mind, your credit card and ID are fine… what movie would you like to see?”
Jeremy: “Two tickets for A case of mistaken identity”
Ticket Lady, “Here you go! Enjoy the show!”

Then, the couple go to the consession stand. They see all of the popcorn and other treats, and ask if they have any good consessions. The attendant said, “We actually have notary consessions — we have a voucher that states that if the notary makes a mistake, that the return trip to correct the mistake is free as a consession.” Then, Jeremy asks, “Does that consession voucher come with a complimentary bucket of popcorn?” Then, the attendent responsded, “Yeah, for another $6.25, I’ll make that consession.”

Then, our conceded (but, not conceited) couple proceeded to get seated. Then, the lights were dimmed, and the movie began.
Jeremy: “Oh no, what if the ticket lady gave me back the WRONG ID? I better check my wallet!”
Sealia: “You are paranoid, I saw that she gave you back the correct ID, and your Credit Card!”
Jeremy: “Next time, I’m paying for the movie using paypal up front, like Ken gets paid for his signings — It’s much easier.”

Then the movie starts. They get to the point of the movie where the very best scene happens — well, the best scene according to Jeremy. The scene where they show the sworn Oath. Then a big fat guy tries to walk across the row in front of them to his seat. Jeremy is livid that fatso would prevent him from seeing the Oath. So, Jeremy gets out of his seat, and sticks his head to the left of Fat Albert, and then when Albert moves to the left, Jeremy stuck his head to the right.

Movie seer: “Hey, do you mind?”
Jeremy: “He’s blocking my favorite scene!”
Movie seer: “Well, I want to see the Oath too, buddy”
Jeremy: “You want an Oath? I’ll give you an Oath… I SWEAR I will if you don’t shut up!”

They finished the movie. The police arrested the wrong guy, but after they fingerprinted him, they realized that the real criminal was still on the

loose. So, they let the falsely arrested guy go. Then, our duo walks down past Mann’s Chinese theater in Hollywood and see handprints and signatures. But, there are no Acknowledgments for the signatures! If we see some wet cement, we need to put a mold for an Acknowledgment form in the cement! We’ll put it with an imprint of my embosser next to Roy Rogers signature, that will trigger a reaction!

Next it was time for a hike in Griffith Park. We went to hike to the Hollywood sign.
Sealia: “This would be a great place to notarize — you sign next to the Hollywood sign!”
Jeremy: “Why not notarize the Hollywood sign itself?”
Sealia: “Wow, you think big. You can do that?”
Jeremy: “No”

ring-ring
Jeremy: “123notary, this is Jeremy”
Caller: “Yeah, you have my named spelled wrong on my listing!”
Jeremy: “You are interrupting my date to tell me this? Couldn’t you just send me an email? I’m not next to a computer right now”
Caller: “Never mind, I’ll call Carmen”
Jeremy: “Carmen cannot solve that problem either. Just send me an email”
Caller: “In that case I’ll call Sally”
Jeremy: “This conversation is over!”

Meanwhile, the NNA hiking group was walking up the hill, getting a guided tour of the Hollywood sign area. They gave a speech where they named the Notary of the Year. They called Jeremy to stand in front of the sign and said, “We appoint you, Brad Mulligan as Notary of the Year!”

Jeremy said, “I”m sorry, but I am not Brad. I think we have a case of mistaken identity!”

Tweets:
(1) Sealia & Jeremy got to know each other so well, that if they were notarizing each other, they would say “Personally Known.”
(2) (at the movies during the Oath scene) You want an Oath? I’ll give you an Oath. I swear I will if you don’t shut up!
(3) “We know each other so well, we can complete each other’s Jurat verbiage”

You might also like:

My date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4473

123notary behind the scenes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2499

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August 3, 2010

Funniest things that happen to Signing Agents

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Pets at Signings,Popular on Twitter 2010,Popular Overall 2010 — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 4:13 am

Funny situations at signings for signing agents
Signings are usually very normal, but our notaries and signing agents have seen almost everything from roach infested houses, to naked signers, to having a tornado come to the signing. Here are some noteworthy experiences that are from our FACEBOOK profile on May 25th, 2010. WHICH ONE IS THE FUNNIEST?

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Chicken coops
I had to walk around the chicken coops while he collected just hatched eggs. I brought home a 1/2 a dozen.

The two year old
A two year old decided to take all our blue pens hide them and mom could not find them, Lesson keep more pens in the car.

The angry husband
It was probably when a couple began arguing with me present. The husband yelled that she never let him read anything in peace or make a decision so he took his car keys and screeched out the driveway only to end up accidentally running over his kid’s bike in the driveway. We had to wait for him to return so that he could sign the papers as well but… She kept muttering under her breath that he doesn’t understand what he’s signing so what ‘s the point (had to agree with her he seemed unnecessarily confused). Funny thinking about it now but it was dramatic and awkward then. Only two weird incidents like this but they stick out like sore thumbs lol

5 dogs & 3 kids
As a signing agent, I had to notarize for a couple who had 5 HUGE dogs and 3 super hyper kids, that were taller than me, mind you I’m only 4′ 11″ (in high heels! lol ), before I even rang the door bell, I knew it was going to be a challenging job, there were toys all over the front yard, and of course there was a HUGE gate, that I had to get on a tippy toes in order to reach the latch, I walked to the front door, and sure enough, as soon as one of the kids answered one of their huge dogs decided to jump on me and smell me!! to get to know me of course! lol, oh man, I’m cracking up just remembering! The family was so friendly and full of love, it was not a bad experience at all after I shared all my extra pens and paper with the kids.. they were so sweet they even took my business cards and handed them out to their friends and colleagues, I really appreciate that! All in a notary’s day’s work!!

The mistress
I had called the Borrower the day before to confirm, and for some reason I guess the Wife thought I was the Mistress, because that night at 2am, I received a phone call, screaming at me, yelling at me, asking me why i was cheating with her husband, etc!!!!. When i arrived in the morning to the signing, it was the most awkward thing in the world!!!

He had the H1N1 Virus and died soon after
Was told by the signer if her boyfriend came home to grab the papers and run. That was stressful. But the worst one of all happened in April of this year. The signer was an old man with a walker. He started the conversation with I have the H1N1 virus with a 102* fever. He said “Is that okay with you?”. I told him to go home, get better and then resign. I called a few days later and he had died. Very sad.

The little boy
I went to a signing out in the middle of nowhere. The little boy, probably about 4, comes running out and hugs my legs. The Daddy tells him to get back in bed, he hugs tighter, Dad starts to count to 3.. I tell him you better run. Just as his Dad gets to 3, he tears loose and runs and jumps in bed. Then he yells out.. “Hey Lady, whats your name?”.. I say Susie, he yells out “Good Night Susie”..

The naked daughter
Awkward…at a extravagant house w a couple in the morning. Middle of signing the 3 year old daughter comes running out naked. Wouldn’t stop jumping all over the couches and running around. NAKED.

The argumentative selling agent
I had a sale in which the Selling agent and the Seller were arguing. The Selling agent had called the police because he said their dog had bit him when they conducted the final walk through. The Seller’s insisted it did not happen. It was a hostile closing environment until the agent decided to drop his pants to show the teeth marks on his buttocks! I was in tears from laughing so hard. It remains my funniest closing to date.

Can you help give birth?
I was scheduled to do a closing and the borrower called me the morning of to cancel unless……..I was willing to come to labor and delivery as the wife had gone into labor that morning…..but they really wanted to sign that day. I called the company and they said it was my call. I decided to go. They had to get me cleared through security. We would sign a few pages and take a break, then sign a few more and take a break. I did let them know that they could kick me out at anytime…..lol. We did complete the closing. I didn’t stick around for the birth and don’t know if they named the baby after me or not…..but it has been a great story to tell!

Signing on the hood & Affidavit of &#%
There are a couple of them that stick out in my mind.
1- the request to notarize an affidavit saying this lady never had*****with another ladies husband. people think just because i notarize it it is the truth.
2- the lady who insisted i come to her home at 11 pm and sign documents on the hood of my car, down the block cauz she didnt want her boyfriend to know what she was doing. Oh yeah, she snuck out of the house through a window in her nightgown lol. And she was a fairly large woman.

1 – I went into labor at a signing and tried to hide it from the borrower because the first comment he made when I walked into the front door was, “you’re not going to have that baby today are you?” (I did actually)
2 – I had a borrower on a reverse mortgage closing who was expecting me to arrive with a brief case full of cash because he was receiving $70,000 as a lump sum disbursement. Also, he lived in a mobile home on blocks and planned on putting the cash in a floor safe.

Once you get here we can untie my husband
I accepted a signing and when I inputed the address into my GPS, it turned out to be a hospital. I called the client to ensure I had the correct address and she stated, “yes, we are in the lobby waiting for you. Once you get here we will untie my husband’s hands so he can sign this will.” Needless to say, I cancelled!

The tornado
I was sitting at the kitchen table facing the patio, which was high off the ground, doing a signing. It was cold in the house and I thought the borrower had turned on the heat when she got up, but it was too noisy to be heat. My mouth flew open as a huge stainless steel barbecue grill traveled quickly past the patio doors. What I thought was the heat, turned out to be the freight train sound of a tornado! We looked outside and a tree was down, the legs of their covered swing had gone through the side of the neighbor’s garage, and the people across the street had shingles ripped off a quarter of their roof like you would rip the label off a jelly jar. News crews came to cover the tornado while we finished up the signing. My car and the borrower’s house were fine.

Are you allergic to cats & snakes?
As I walked to the door I knew it was bad..bo meets me asks if I am allergic to cats. Um no. Good she said she has 40 and we go in..She turns and asks what about snakes? Um NO..We walk in and cats and snakes..big ones all in and out of cages all over the place..My lungs hurt from the stench..Got out in a big hurry! Yuk!
 
Let us know which one you think is the funniest, and let us know if you have some funny stories of your own. As you can see, our signing agents have a very interesting life — at least from time to time.
 
Tweets:
(1) The notary was asked to notarize an affidavit that claimed the signer never had $&%
w/the other ladies husband!
(2) One you get here (to notarize) we can untie my husband!
(3) One signer asked, “Are you allergic to cats or snakes?” What kind of signing is this going to be?

Other related reading material.

Compilation of Notary sit-com episodes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15949
 
Tips on being the worlds worst notary or signing agent
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=1910
 
Humorous and interesting posts from the forum
http://www.123notary.com/interestingposts.asp

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