There are 21 counties in New Jersey. But, Sal was willing to go to all
of them, but one. He wouldn’t go to Ocean County. But, why?
CLIENT: Hi, I got a job for you in Ocean County can you come on over?
SAL: Sorry, my diving equipment is in the shop now, and I don’t have a boat.
CLIENT: You don’t need a boat, just drive on over.
SAL: Sorry, I don’t know how to swim.
CLIENT: Ocean County is on solid land, you don’t need to swim.
SAL: Well, I’m not going there during high tide, it probably becomes ocean then.
CLIENT: You’re crazy.
Then later that night, Sal had a crazy dream. Costa Rica went to war
with The Republic of Ocean County during low tide when Ocean County
was above land. There was a huge military base in the Western section
of the County on high(er) ground. The Costa Ricans ran out of
ammunition and so did the Ocean Countyites. So, the Costa Ricans were
now putting coffee grounds from their coffee plantations in their
bombs and then bombed Ocean County (during low tide of course). The
government of Costa Rica got a very angry phone call from the
president of Ocean County —
Hey! You got your grounds, on our grounds! Knock it off. Besides, when
I wake up in the morning, the last thing I want to smell is coffee!
Nobody in the military of my generation says, “I love the smell of
coffee in the morning!” We want Napalm!
After this, a client who didn’t know their geography tricked Sal into
coming to Ocean county. They told Sal they wanted him to come to Tom’s
River, but told him it was in Burlington County. He didn’t know the
difference, and brought his fishing equipment. The house was nowhere
near the river, and Sal felt let down. Sal got lost going home and
ended up on Jersey Shore. The tide came in and his car went floating
out in the Ocean. “Help,” he screamed as he swam to shore. But,
nobody came. Finally a female hand grabbed his hand and dragged him to
shore. It was so dark he couldn’t see who it was.
SAL: Thank you, you saved my life.
SNOOKY: Don’t mention it. But, don’t you know you aren’t supposed to
come to Ocean County during high tide?
SAL: Yes, I know that, but what I didn’t know was that I was in Ocean County.
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