In honor of the anniversary of the 50th moon landing. NASA finally decided to send a Notary into space. They decided that Notaries had been underrepresented in space travel for too long, and something needed to change. However, the Notaries had conditions. Underneath where the American flag is on the shuttle, they wanted a flag of a fictional Notary country that they were going to set up in outer space.
The space ship was set to go to the moon in honor of Apollo 11 and Neil Armstrong. The passengers on the spaceship included three professional astronauts, one of which was a lesbian transgender black lactose intolerant Puerto Rican woman, and two white males, and a Notary. But, the flight had to be delayed because the lady was transitioning into being Cuban, or at least self-identifying as being Cuban, but not Mark Cuban, although she was living as a man (whatever
that means.) When asked if she wanted a Cuban cigar she said, “Sorry, I don’t self-identify as a communist.” Then she was asked, “Does living as a man mean that you will support a wife and kids?” to which she/he replied, “No, it means I’ll be leaving them!”
Then there was another issue, because the Notary wanted to bring his embosser, seal, journal and acknowledgment / jurat pads just in case he could notarize moon creatures on the dark side of the moon. He also studied up on his Chinese since he heard there were Chinese people landing there regularly that U.S. news suppressed for unknown reasons. The scientists controlling the flight complained that all of the Notary equipment was weighing down the craft and would cost another three million in fuel costs. But, the government decided it would be worth it so that moon creatures could sign the Notary journal.
So, finally the spacecraft took off. It took longer than expected because they were listening to Frank Sinatra’s song “Fly me to the moon.” A few days later they landed. The Notary complained that he had jet lag. The crew said, “You’re crazy, it’s not called jet lag, it’s called rocket lag, dummy!” The crew was expecting to see Sun Myung Moon but was disappointed to learn that he was Korean, and not Chinese, and therefore would probably not be on the moon despite his name.
NOTARY: If I pull down my pants here, and stick my rear end towards you, would that be mooning you or earthing you considering our location?
CREW: We’ll have to call Houston to resolve that issue. And in that case, Houston will agree that there is a problem.
HOUSTON: Yes, Notary, the correct terminology at your coordinates would indeed be earthing someone.
CREW: What on earth?
HOUSTON: Reminder — you are NOT on earth, and if you pull your pants down, you will lose the oxygen in your suit and die, so please refrain from earthing anyone.
NOTARY: I just want to jump for joy, but I’m afraid I might end up thirty feet in the air. Did the Chinese bring moon cakes here?
CHUNG: Welcome to the dark side of the moon, would you like to try a moon cake?
NOTARY: Actually, I’d prefer an earth cake.
CHUNG: Is that for here or to go?
NOTARY: We could either eat it here or in the ship. Does that come with a fortune cookie?
CHUNG: Yeah. The fortune is that you will weigh 17% of what you normally weigh.
CREW: Hey, the sum of the parts of crater than the sum of the hole.
NOTARY: Hmm, but what if you have a crater within a crater?
CHUNG: You mean like at crater and barrel?
NOTARY: And if you have sex on the moon, you would be getting your moon rocks off.
CHUNG: We are prudes and don’t do that here. Besides, we don’t have oxygen to waste on unnecessary things.
NOTARY: Well anyway — That’s one small stamp for a Notary; One huge stamp for mankind.
CREW: Well said. Now let’s take photos and post them on Instagram. Can you do a selfie with me? What’s that thing behind me?
CHUNG: Oh, he’s an underground moon creature. He won’t hurt you. But, he might want part of the fortune cookie!
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