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November 3, 2017

Notary Sexual Harassment Issues

Many lady Notaries are afraid to go to a single man’s house for obvious reasons. But, the type of harrassment in this blog article will surprise even you guys who read my blogs regularly. Here are some bizarre situations that would happen.

The client wanted to get it on with the Notary. The Notary was offended, but NOT because the client wanted to get it on with him, but because the client wanted to do it do it with him and his stamp. The Notary said, “I’m not into that!”

The next situation involves the Notary chasing a woman around a desk (sounds like a Hindi movie) to get her signature. The woman resists because she claims she doesn’t know the Notary well enough to sign his journal. Sounds like a Beetles song, “Baby let me sign your journal.”

The last situation happened with Will from Will and Grace. Will had a male Notary who was straight who was offended because of how Will kept talking about how he wanted to be Notarized. Will: “Oh, NOTARIZE me, STAMP me, STAMP me all night long. Oh, whip out that embosser. Oh, you… Do you want me to SIGN something? I want to SIGN your BOOK. Oh please let me sign your book! Are you going to hold my thumb when we do journal thumbprints?” Then the Notary said, “Oh, my state doesn’t require thumbprints.” Then Will said, “in that case, you’re fired, but before I fire you, are you going to stamp me for approval?”

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June 3, 2016

The Sexist Notary Dentist

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , , — admin @ 10:12 pm

JOE: I came early… better early than late

NOTARY DENTIST: Especially in my profession. So, today we are going to do a deep cleaning. Let me get the anesthetic ready.

JOE: I know I’m getting a cleaning because the gums near my molars have deep pockets. But, after the cleaning, the ladies might not like me as much anymore. Women like guys with deep pockets!

NOTARY DENTIST: Ah ha ha… Too true. But, in a few years, if you continue not brushing you’ll have more gold in your mouth. Something for those ladies to dig on!

JOE: You’re right. Where would we be without dentists.

NOTARY DENTIST: Before we begin, can I see some ID? I need to make sure you are really you.

JOE: Why identify me based on my drivers license. There’s new technology where you can do retinal scans or tooth marks.

NOTARY DENTIST: Maybe you’re the one who should be a Notary. Open wide, let’s put on the gel before we stick the Novocain in there.

JOE: I just remember that Russian movie Gorky Park where the dead people were identified by their teeth since their faces were cut off.

NOTARY DENTIST: How gory. It must have been like pulling teeth to identify them.

JOE: There you go again with the dentist jokes. My former dentist always had fun during Christmas. She changed the lyrics from Emanuel to Enamuel.

NOTARY DENTIST: Ha ha ha! The one liners are killing me!

JOE: Killing you? Just use some Novocain and you’ll be fine. But, did you hear the joke about the coke dealer who liked one liners? Just as long as there were several of them?

NOTARY DENTIST: Now, there’s one I never heard before. Okay, here comes the Novocain. Stay open…

JOE: I should offer Novocain to people who don’t want to sign their loans. That way they won’t feel a thing.

NOTARY DENTIST: They might not feel it during the signing, but they will once a month for the next thirty years.

JOE: Sounds like my wife in reverse. She has been feeling it once a month for the last thirty years, except right before we gave birth to Harry.

NOTARY DENTIST: What is it with these one liners. Sexist jokes AND Notary jokes. We should make some sexist notary jokes — put the two together.

JOE: ah oh, ah oh exakooly wa oo mee.

NOTARY DENTIST: Must be that Novocain kicking in. You can’t speak properly anymore. So, I’ll have to make the jokes for you. I went to a Notary only bar. I just noticed that the line for the Men’s Notary bathroom is always shorter than the line to the Notary Ladies. Have you ever noticed that?

JOE: mmm mmm… mmmmmmmm!

NOTARY DENTIST: One Notary lady stayed in there so long we all started to ask — what is that lady doing in there? Re-inking her seal? Even that doesn’t take half an hour. We were expecting her to give birth to triplets or something. Maybe they should have multiple bathrooms for female Notaries since they take so damn long!

JOE: Mmmmm. mmmmm.

NOTARY DENTIST: It’s the same with a male notarization. You get started, do all the preparations, and then you affix the seal — then it’s over. The female notarizations just seem to drag on and on and on, and then the small talk, and then the gossiping afterwards. Some of them stay for two hours. It’s ridiculous.

JOE: (writes down on a notepad) Exactly…

NOTARY DENTIST: Okay, let’s get those gums clean. Uh-oh, what do we have here? Never mind. It’s plaque under the bridge — no put intended. Okay… you are done. We charge $10 per notarized tooth. 32 teeth. $320. Your insurance will take care of it. We already have the information. But, it’s like pulling teeth dealing with them.

JOE: Okay… thanks for everything. I’m going to have a root beer now (no pun intended) since I can’t eat solid food for another three hours.

NOTARY DENTIST: Okay… Have a nice day!

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