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January 17, 2020

Notarization for a guy who pulls a gun

Filed under: Drama & Tragedy — admin @ 9:30 am

A client of mine in New Jersey tells this harrowing tale about doing a
cash-out job in Patterson.

The Notary enters the house. The borrower calls his wife a crack ho.
They go to the car to do the signing. The borrower pulls a gun, points
it at the Notary and says, “You aren’t going to mess with me man!”
The Notary said, “I’m just here to sign papers.”

Then the Notary got a job signing for a paraplegic. The Notary asked
how the signer was going to sign. The signer asked the notary to put
the pen in his mouth.

After that, the Notary got a call to go to Karen Johnson’s house. He
gets to the house and the woman loudly says, “What the hell is going
on?” It was Whoopi Goldberg using her real name.

So, I guess that Notary had fun notarizing celebrities, but not as
much fun as I had notarizing an arsonist and his jurors — not that I
am trying to be one-up on him!


October 27, 2019

Are online notarizations illegal to protect outdated customs?

Filed under: Technical & Legal — admin @ 11:48 pm

One blog commentator writes that online and webcam notarizations are illegal (in many jurisdictions) simply to protect the outdated customers of traditional Notaries. Since many Attorneys are Notaries, this in his opinion is a case of mob rules where the public loses. Hmm. Interesting thought.

Security is another issue. It is hard to know on a webcam if that is the actual person being notarized. People change their hairstyle and sometimes more than one person looks like the same person. As a former Notary, seeing people’s ID is not enough in my opinion. Women change their hair around so much they are often not recognizable.

I would feel more comfortable if Notaries had facial recognition technology so that we could really identify people. It would be like that movie from thirty years ago whose name escapes me where you walk into a store and a computer greets you by name due to the technology. How annoying and invasive. China is becoming like that, but then, they have 1.4 billion people (and counting) to take care of. On a brighter note, I think the urban folks have given up having children.

So, is the growth of online notarizations stifled by mob rule, a lust to preserve traditional practices, or for realistic and reasonable concerns about security?

You might also like:

Why you shouldn’t use an online notary



July 14, 2019

Notarization in Brooklyn in 2032

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 4:20 am

As time went on, the Yiddish speaking population in Brooklyn kept speaking Yiddish, but had so many children that they became a dominant population and “force du culture” in Brooklyn. It got to the point that the Chinese and Puerto Ricans integrated a lot of Yiddish into their spoken language.

NOTARY: Yes, you had a paper to be notarized?

WING XING: Yeah, I just flew in from Shanghai to La Guardia — what a schlep. And the Drukschlep I tried to hire for my daughter was late taking her to her party. Vey Ismeer. I need this affidavit of corporate capacity notarized. Do you want I should sign it in front of you?

NOTARY: Yes please.

WING XING: My son asked me when he would be having his Bar-Mitzvah. I tried to explain to him that we’re not Jewish. He said, “What do you mean we’re not Jewish? Now you tell me!”

NOTARY: It must be confusing. But, on a brighter note, if you were Jewish, you could no longer eat Shanghainese Xiao Leng Bao.

WING XING: I know that, and you know that, but try explaining that to little Timmie. He just doesn’t understand the Talmud, or Leviticus. Kids these days!

(next appointment)

MARITZA: Mira mira mira. We’ve known each othah for almost three years. We’re practically mishpucha (family).

NOTARY: No somos mishpucha. You’re a mensch

MARITZA: Who you callin’ a mensch? (angry tone)

NOTARY: That means your a friend, but you’re not quite family yet. Let me guess. Your kid is having his Bar Mitzvah soon too right?

MARITZA: Yeah, we’re still searching around for a Rabbi who is willing to do it for us. But, you know, according to the Talmud, if you have a maternal Jewish lineage, you are Jewish even if you were raised Catholic. I just did my 23 and me blood test for MT DNA and guess what?


MARITZA: We’re chosen! I showed that info to the Rabbi as well as the section from the Babilonian Talmud and he is still giving us a hard time. I tried to explain to him that after the inquisition, many Sephardic Jews left Spain for Puerto Rico and converted to Catholicism. We are descended from those people, but we dance much better than they do, at least in my opinion.

NOTARY: No problem, I’ll notarize your blood test and affidavit. As crazy as this sounds, you are actually making sense. But, I gotta run.


NOTARY: I have to notarize paperwork for Tyrone’s Bar Mitzvah before his mother has a fit.

You might also like:

Are you a Yes-tary or a No-tary?

Seinfeld – George’s parents get a vow renewal


July 4, 2019

Notarization at a Subway

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 2:38 am

NOTARY: What a long drive. But, I’m here. Are you ready?

FRANK: I don’t normally work at this branch of Subway, I’m just “subbing”.

NOTARY: Oh, then can you grade my paper? It’s an Affidavit.

FRANK: There’s a spelling mistake in line two.

NOTARY: Really? And what about your Affidavit. Is it ready?

FRANK: It’s right here.

NOTARY: Would you like onions with your notarization, and would you like to make it a combo?

FRANK: Does it come with chips and a drink for another $2.25.

NOTARY: I actually have Fanta in the car. That helps me get better reviews. Being a Notary these days is not far from being an Uber driver except that we don’t have to vacuum our car as much… or ever.

FRANK: Got it. I’ll sign… Are you watching?

NOTARY: Watching. Your hands are clean right? No mayo or chipotle sauce on your fingers, right?

FRANK: Too late. Please affix your stamp there.

NOTARY: Please sign my journal first… Good… Now it’s time for recess.

FRANK: Recess?

NOTARY: You’re “subbing”, right?

FRANK: Oh, yeah… right.

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Compilation of posts about notary restaurant themes

The Starbucks Oath questions


April 29, 2019

Identification for prison notarizations

Filed under: Hospital & Jail Signings — admin @ 10:06 am

Identification for prison notarizations

1. Inmate ID Cards
In Florida and California, there is such thing as inmate ID cards or an inmate identification card. These are issued by the Department of Justice of Bureau of Federal Prisons.

2. Wristbands
In other states, sometimes the Notary can use a wristband. But, that is subject to the laws of your state, so you will have to consult your state’s notary manual online.

3. Credible Witnesses
Credible Witnesses may be used to identify a person in many states. You need to ask the Notary Public who you intend to use what the rules are in your state for Credible Identifying Witnesses. Many states will allow two individuals who know the signer to vouch for the identity of the signer under Oath before a Notary Public and will allow this as a substitute for having proper identification.

4. Regular Identification Cards
Ideally, if you can find a current identification of the signer and bring it with you to the jail, this will make it a lot easier for the Notary to notarize the signer.

5. Guards
Guards at jails are normally helpful about passing the journal through the slit in the glass to the signer. However, they very rarely want to be involved in identifying inmates as a credible witness.

6. Thumbprinting
It is generally a good idea to thumbprint signers in the notary journal. Most Notaries do not do this, but it is prudent as you cannot fake a thumbprint and it is forensic evidence that can be used to prove the identity of the signer if the signing is ever investigated.


April 14, 2019

Notarize you like a hurricane: A guide to heavy metal notarizations

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , — admin @ 10:18 am

So, Harry wanted to get notarized. But, he was born in 1968 and wanted a little more of an “experience” that would bring back his childhood… in a good way. So, he called this outfit, and when I say outfit, yes, that includes the leather jackets, hairstyles, etc., called Hard Rock Notarizations. But, they didn’t just sent the Notary over. They sent the whole band.

HARRY: Hello, is this Hard Rock Notarizations?

SLASH: Yeah. What do you need?

HARRY: Are you the real slash?

SLASH: No man, this is just a theme thing. I wear a torn leather jacket, a bandana, have long hair, and look cool assuming you like the drugged out, don’t give a (&*#) look. But, I don’t work alone. I bring what I call my “work crew.”

HARRY: Got it. So, I have an Affidavit that I need signed.

SLASH: We have free time at 6pm. We don’t have any paying gigs until far after that, and we can’t do earlier because of our hangovers. I really gotta stop drinking. Man…

HARRY: One more thing. Can you greet me in Cockney?

SLASH: Oh yeah. We specialize in bilingual signings. We have staff that speaks English, Spanish, and we specialize in Cockney. Tassy knows how to speak that.

HARRY: Tassy? What the hell type of name is Tassy?

SLASH: He’s cool. You’ll love him.

(6 o’clock arrives. There is a loud rumble in the distance. The rumble gets louder, and then unbearably loud… and then the noise stops. The click of a kickstand rings in the air. And then footsteps. There is a knock at the door.)

TASSY: Ello, Arry (cockney accent for Hello Harry)

HARRY: Hi guys

SLASH: Ello Arry… ee does it bedda don’ee. (He does it better, don’t he.)

HARRY: Yeah, his sounds more authentic.

KEITH: So, don’t you want to know which one of us is the tattoo artist?

HARRY: I might need a touch up on this one, the color seems to have faded over the last 25 years. But, I don’t need any new ones. Oh, and thanks for not parking right on my lawn.

SLASH: Yeah, we kind of learned the hard way about that once at a party several years ago. Let’s just say the owner wasn’t pleased. But, fortunately the damage was made invisible after a subsequent rain storm. So, Harry, do you want me to lead?

HARRY: Lead what?

SLASH : Let me give you a little hint. Have you ever worked on a dairy farm before?

HARRY: Dairy farm?

SLASH: (handing him a cow bell) Then you should be very acquainted with one of these!

KEITH: Hmmm. The weather seems to be changing. (looks out the window) Oh look, we’re having the beginnings of that hurricane they were talking about on the news!

HARRY: We’re not having a hurricane. I read the weather forecast just this morning online.

TASSY: Oh yes we are. Put this on and sit over on that chair and don’t say anything. You’ll ruin it.

HARRY: A wig…I’m not a woman. And a leather jacket? Worn out boots? Cigarettes? I don’t smoke. What’s going on here?

SLASH: Boys, bring in the heavy artillery.

(The work crew brings in a huge over-sized drum set, amps, and a bunch of musical instruments, a video crew, and a whole bunch of wires that were sitting in the van outside next to the long line of cycles.)

TASSY: You (said emphatically)(pause), are now going to be the star of your own music video entitled, “Rock you like a hurricane!”

HARRY: Oh my God, really? Are we going to notarize too?

KEITH: Oh yeah, we’ll get to that. But business first.

The rock and roll band had Harry playing the cow bell, and then had him pretend to play lead guitar during part of the video, and then had him be the lead singer in another part. They had him and the other rocksters (I coined that term, sorry) do all the typical 80’s type heavy metal poses: two musicians back to back, leaning forward over the mic, leaning to all sides, walking on their knees, pretending to be walking down the stairs, etc. They also filmed Harry with hot babes to his left and the right wearing leopard outfits for eye candy effect. The music was real and shot on site. And when it was all over, they gave Harry a copy of the video for him to cherish for the rest of his life where he was the star of his own heavy metal video.

Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane
Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane
My signature is burning, it starts to shout
Desire is coming, it breaks out loud

TASSY: And one more thing before we leave. Weren’t we supposed to noh’-arize (glottal stop on the sound noh’) something Arry?

HARRY: I almost forgot with all the excitement. My Affidavit. Here. Watch me sign.

TASSY: I bet you’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s a Noh’-ary seal case.

HARRY: Does it need to be that large? It’s the size of a huge rectangular guitar case, but with a little felt indentation for the notary seal.

TASSY: Ay, we’re musicians. This is ow we loik to do things ya. (This is how we like to do things). There’s room too for my thumb printa and woips. Check this out. It’s my odd Rock (hard rock) Noh’-ary Seal… ya know wuh’ I mein? (you know what I mean?) — it’s go’d play’id (gold plated).

HARRY: Wow. I’ve never seen anything like it.. Look, there’s a little solid gold guitar on the front. Okay. I need to swear under Oath. “I solemnly swear this affidavit to be the truth to the best of my knowledge so help me God.” I hope you’re in tune with me on this one.

KEITH: Nobody has ever accused him of notarizing out of tune before. That would be a terrible thing. Okay…. stamped… done!

POLICE: (knock knock) Ummm, we’ve had a complaint about excess noise in the neighborhood. You gentlemen wouldn’t happen to know anything about it?

TASSY: (thick Cockney accent) In my opinion the problem is that there wasn’t enough noise. We were just noh’arizing, officer.

POLICE: Well do you think you could notarize a little more quietly?

TASSY: Sorry about that. We ‘ave this nahsty ‘abit of loiking to noh’aroize to the sound of music. Oi think that’s where the issue arose from. By the why, while yor ‘ere, (while you’re here) our tattoo guy is still ‘ere. Do you need any old tats refreshed. ‘ee specialoizes in that. (he specializes in that)

POLICE: Actually I’m off duty in a few minutes. Oh, did you just refresh Harry’s tattoos? That looks amazing, wow. You’re so good at that it’s almost criminal!

TATTOO GUY: Thanks, I take pride in appearing to be a criminal and hyper sexualized. The irony is that I don’t actually do anything illegal. I’m talking like Miley Cirus now.

So, the band packed up, loaded up the van, there was a loud rumble as the motorcycles left, and Tattoo Guy was the last to go as he had to finish his business with the police. Then, he too rumbled away. And thus ends the story of how Harry had his fantasy heavy metal notarization — 80’s style!


April 12, 2019

Jail Notarization Issues

Filed under: Hospital & Jail Signings — admin @ 10:05 am

For those of you who need a Notary to visit an inmate at a jail, penitentiary, detention center or correctional facility, there are many issues at hand. I will try to explain those issues in an organized way in this informational article.


Identification for Prison Notarizations –
Lockdowns and inmate considerations –
Payment for Mobile Notary Service –
Personal Appearance of Signer –
Power of Attorney Documents –


We also have other articles about jail signings.

Find a notary who can notarize an inmate

Notarization done at a jail rejected by police

7 steps for jail notarizations

Notarizing an arsonist at a jail



April 10, 2019

Lock downs and Prison Notarizations

Filed under: Hospital & Jail Signings — admin @ 10:09 am

Lock downs and Prison Notarizations

It is common for jails to have lock downs. If you are meeting a Notary Public at a jail and there is a lock down, it is possible that your appointment will be cancelled. It is also possible that you will be held against your will in the building as long as the lock down lasts.

If you are going to be part of a jail notarization, there are several things you need to know.

1. Is the jail under lock down? You might call before you go. Lock downs can happen at the last minute, but if you call ahead of time, that decreases your chance of having a ruined appointment.

2. The prisoner may have been moved to another cell, cell block, or jail entirely. That will ruin your notary appointment as well.

3. The prisoner may not be willing to sign a particular document. If you go all the way to a jail only to find that the signer refuses to sign, you just wasted your time and so did the notary.

4. Waiting for guards. If you go to a jail, each jail has a different procedure for letting visitors in. Most allow Notaries in, however, the notary may be asked to stamp a blank piece of paper so that the jail has a record of the notary seal. Others who wish to visit in a jail might be allowed if they are going to be a credible witness, but explaining that to the jail staff might require a little skill, and it may or may not be allowed. So, check in advance. Step one is to get let in the jail and to know what area of the jail to go to. It is normal for the guards to search Notaries carefully, so be ready for that. Next, you have to ask for a guard to come. Once the guard comes, they can bring the correct prisoner in front of you in the area with the glass partitions. You will need the guard to pass the journal back and forth through the glass and inspect the pens and whatever else you send over.

You might also like:

Identification for prison notarizations

Jail notarization issues


January 1, 2019

eNotary — Electronic Notary & Electronic Notarizations

Can I get an electronic notarization? Can I get an eSignature notarized?

The answer to this question is that it depends on what type of document you are having notarized. Additionally, the notary needs to be able to identify you.

A Notary must apply for a special and separate eNotary commission that is above and beyond their regular notary commission. This is only allowed in specific states as well.

To become an eNotary, just become a regular Notary and then say, “Vanna, can I buy a vowel?” Just kidding. Please ask your secretary of state’s notary division how to apply to be an eNotary.

Many of the states that allow eNotarizations require the physical appearance of the signer before the notary public for all transactions. I heard that in Virginia, an eNotary can notarize people remotely in any part of the world. Please read this FAQ page to read the details of remote notarizations.

Remove Notarizations allowed for Virginia eNotaries

Colorado eNotary
Personal appearance is also required in Colorado.

West Virginia eNotary — West Virginia Electronic Notary
This state requires physical presence of the signer for eNotarizations alghough the signature can be digital.

Texas eNotary — Texas Electronic Notary

Virginia eNotary — Virginia Electronic Notary

The Pros and Cons of eNotarizations

12 points on e-notarizations (old)


December 11, 2018

What if the signature or notarization is in the middle of the document?

Most times you go to a Notary job, the certificate wording is at the end of the document. But, sometimes one document might have two certificates. There might be a signature in the middle of the document, or perhaps multiple signatures in the document. It might be confusing to know which one you are notarizing. You really need to document this in your journal and on the Acknowledgment form so there is no doubt after the fact as to what you notarized and which signature you notarized.

Just remember that you notarize signatures. You do not notarize people or documents although in spoken language we speak as if we are notarizing people and documents.


You might also like:

Notary Public 101 – Journals

A coerced signature

Get the special jobs

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