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April 28, 2013

Best Practices: When it is legal to notarize a document twice?

Filed under: Best Practices,Ninja Theme Articles — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 8:29 am

Q. When is it legal to notarize twice?

A. Any time you get two journal entries for the document in question and attach two separate certificates.

How is this?

Many notaries fall into unfortunate circumstances. We live in a day and age when old fashioned common sense is not a part of life any more — at least not in the Title industry. A notary will be given an Acknowledgment form with wording that just isn’t acceptable. Perhaps the venue is for a different county or state. Perhaps there are two names on the Acknowledgment when there is only one signer — and a cross out will just look funny. Maybe something else will be wrong. Use your imagination here — you are notaries!

So, should you cross-out Jim’s name on the Acknowledgment form since only Jane is there and Jim is on a business trip? Or should you attach an additional acknowledgment form and leave the original blank? The issue here is much more than what the law says. The law doesn’t address cross outs to my knowledge although it definately seems that it is not a “best practice” since it looks dubious and possibly fraudulent.

Do you really want your notarized documents to look tampered with? That is what notarizing a document with a cross-out looks like. Sure you do it all the time, but what if fraud really is involved and you get called into court just because you think it is fine and dandy to simply, “cross out and initial — I do it all the time”. Well, stop doing it all the time on notarized documents. It is a “worst practice”, not a best practice. Best practices include starting fresh with a clean acknowledgment and filling out properly with not only the state required wording, but also a document name, document date, document description, number of pages, etc. If you are smart, you will emboss every page on every document that you notarize whether the clients like it or not — for your protection. It makes page swapping after the fact very noticeable and detectable.

So, I recommend the fresh acknowledgment approach since it is clean and a best practice. But, on the other hand, what about notarizing the document twice and giving the lender a choice of the messy cross-out version, or the clean attached version. Some lenders HATE attachments (even though it is legal and kosher). Many lenders do not mind cross-outs even though it is abominable to anyone with standards. So, if you give them a choice, at least they will have less cause to be unhappy. They will know that you went above and beyond for them.

However, you will be committing fraud if you send a loose acknowledgment in the mail to the lender who doesn’t like your first attempt. Sure you already notarized it, but now there are two certificates floating around and not attached. The “best practice” here is to tell the lender you need the original back, you shred the certificate, add another certificate, and then send it back. Lenders don’t typically like best practices because it takes longer. Fraud is easier! But, don’t even think about it.

I will end this entry with a quote from a Yiddish folk story

Crime doesn’t pay, but oy, such good hours!

I will end this entry a second time, but this time with a line from a Mexican folk song about notarizations

Dos Acknowledmentos Un Documento?
Ay que paso en esta mundo?
Que voy aser con esta notario?
Llama el telefono a el Loan Officer por favor!

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April 23, 2012

Sending loose certificates is illegal

Filed under: Ninja Theme Articles,Notary Acts & Certificates — Tags: , , , , , , , , — admin @ 1:00 am

Sending loose certificates is illegal! 

People who work at Title companies are notorious for breaking the law in so many ways.  Here are some common types of fraud that happen at Title companies daily:
(1) Many will deliberately and shamelessly forge initials when the borrower forgets to initial.  I’m not sure how bad of a crime this is, but I recommend against any type of forgery — no matter what! 
(2) Most will unstaple documents that have been stapled which makes the completed certificate which is attached (a legal requirement), no longer attached (illegal) and hence a loose certificate (gulp). I have had multiple Title companies complain to me that they didn’t like the industrial staples I used since they were so hard to unstaple.  They don’t have a legal right to unstaple those notarized documents because the certificate must stay attached.  Part of the problem with unattaching certificates, is that they could get reattached to some OTHER document creating confusion, havoc, and hence having a document notarized without having it presented to a notary public and going through the procedure and journal entry.
(3) Many will ask a notary to send them a loose certificate if a document needs to be notarized again for some reason. Sometimes the seal was smudgy, or perhaps they needed to replace the document and get a new certificate for the new document with a new date.  If you are a “loose notary” who has a loose interpretation of notary law in your state, you might be breaking the law!
 
It all starts out with a pad of loose certificates!
You start out with our pad of loose acknowledgment certificates and jurat certificates.  Any serious notary will have this type of pad on hand as if their life depends on it.  Sure, the certificates are loose now, but that is okay, since they haven’t been filled out or stamped yet!  When you notarize a signature(s) on a document(s), you have the signer(s) signer the instrument, and then you have them sign your official journal of notarial acts.  Then, you fill out the certificate wording embedded in the document, or if that boiler plate wording isn’t there, you can add a certificate form which has the identical, or hopefully very similar boiler plate wording.  You fill out the form, cross you s’s, and dot your t’s, etc.  The minute you sign the certificate, and affix your official notary seal, then you may NOT let that certificate out of your site until it is ATTACHED to the corresponding document. It is illegal to unattach a certificate from a document, and very unkosher to unattach the staple for a notarized multipage document. What are your intentions?  Are you going to swap pages after the fact?  I can smell fraud a mile away!
 
What should you the notary do when asked to send a loose certificate?
It’s easy.  Someone at a Title company says they need a new Jurat certificate for the Affidavit of Domicile you notarized for them a week ago otherwise their loan won’t go through (pressure technique).  They want you to mail the loose certificate to them!  Tell them:
 
“No problem, just send me the document and the original certificate — I’ll shred the old certificate and add a new one… You can not have two certificates for the same document. The signer already signed the journal for this particular transaction and doesn’t need to sign it again for a certificate which is to be dated the same date they signed the journal.”
 
And they will say:

“Oh, come on, why does this have to be so difficult. That takes extra time and money.  Why can’t you just (break the law) and send us what we want (and risk your commission and risk being sent to jail or being fined perhaps more than $1000) for our convenience?”
 
And then you should say:

“If you need notaries to routinely break the law for your pleasure, you should ask your notaries some pre-screening questions.  Ask them if they are willing to break the law on a whim (your whim) and risk their commission and perhaps some jail time for your convenience. Ask them if they mind risking going to jail to save you from having to wait an additional 24 hours for a loose certificate… if they say ‘sure’, then they are the notary for you!”
 
My concluding advice
Don’t break the law for these rascals. They are not worth it.  You probably won’t get in trouble, but as a notary public, your position in society is to preserve integrity, and to safeguard transactions by making sure that the signer really signed the corresponding document in question.  If certificates get switched on documents due to fraud, or because you didn’t identify the document carefully enough on the certificate, then you are a liability to society and shouldn’t be a notary public. 
 
As a notary, you should be very sensitive to the fact that if you are notarizing multiple documents for a particular signer, those documents could get mixed up, and the signer could pull a fast one and reattach notary certificates from a document you really did notarize, to another similarly named document that you did not notarize. 
 
Multi-page documents can be taken apart and pages switched.  Title companies ROUTINELY take apart documents as a matter of standard procedure, and if you don’t emboss every page of everything you notarize, it would be easy for someone to replace page 5 with another similar looking page 5.  Assume that people are dishonest and shady, so that you can protect the virtue and integrity of your work. Document everything to a tee, and don’t give in to pressure to do illegal notary acts even if it means losing a client. You don’t want that client anyway in the long run — trust me!

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February 9, 2012

Notary Business Names

Filed under: Business Tips — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 9:55 am

Notaries often ask me, should I use a business name?  Do notaries need to register as a business?  Does a notary public have to get a business license? The answer is yes.  Any business, including a home-based notary business needs a business license, otherwise, you might be operating illegally. For a notary to get a business license is not hard, just contact your county clerk’s county recorder office and ask them what the procedure is.  It is generally under $200 and the paperwork is not difficult.  Getting a fictitious business name for your notary business can also be the prerequisite to getting a bank account with your company name on it!
 
But, what to name your notary business? Too many notary businesses have similar sounding names, and they all become one big blur.  We wrote a blog entry all about signing company names which sound similar which is a fun blog entry to read.
 
Yellow Page Names
It is common for notaries advertising in the yellow pages to want to show up at the beginning of their section.  Names like A1 Notary, AAA Mobile Notary, AAAA Traveling Notary, and Aardvark Notary are common. Unfortunately, your clueless customers will get mad when you are not the auto club and tell you to change your name!!!  It happened to me, I know.
 
Glamour Names
Then, there are those who want the glamourous names like Royal Notary, Elite Notary, On Time Notary, and other vanity names.  You could capitize on a character trait such as Integrity Notary, Rapid Notary, or Honest Notary.

 Geographic Names
Geographic names are very good for website optimization.  If your business name is Glendora Mobile Notary Service, then your website will show up very well for local keywords. 
 
 
Personal Names
We have one client who’s business name is Ellen the Notary.  That is easy to remember and very personable too!  Johnson’s Traveling Notary is another example of a personal type of a notary business name. Sam’s Meandering Notary is yet another.

 Unique Names
But, what about more unique sounding names?  I generally recommend either geographically recognizable business names or unique ones. A confusion between your business and some other business with a bad reputation can be crippling!  If it were me, I would really put a few weeks of brainstorming and asking your friends to find that perfect name for your notary business. After you have narrowed it down to a few names, reflect carefully to select the ideal name as you will be stuck with it for a very long time!
 
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January 30, 2011

Notarize JUST the Name

Filed under: Ken Edelstein — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 12:22 pm

Notarize JUST the Name
We are all familiar with the two most common notary actions. The Jurat: “Sworn to and Subscribed…….”, and the Acknowledgement: “This instrument was Acknowledged before me…..”. I’m not going to cover the not so subtle differences between the two of them. What will be discussed is the expansion of the notary statement to include virtually anything.

I just shipped off an Edoc. I had to redact (no changes were made, no replacement text, just a thin line thru with my initials at the end of the line) some superfluous verbiage. Before I get into the details let me credit the source of “my” opinions. The office of the New York County Clerk has told me, quite strongly: “You notarize just the name as proven on the ID, nothing more”. What they are referring to are what I call “name attributes” and there are many. Not to be confused with name components (Jr. Sr. III, etc.) which were on the birth certificate. Name attributes, and there are many include: MD, PhD, DDS, etc.

Those name attributes are rarely a problem and they are usually not added to the name in the notary section. What is a problem are what I will call “name descriptors”, and they are becoming a growing problem. A Jurat in the edoc included “a resident of ”. How would I know where the person signing resides? It’s not for me to say (I know, that’s a song title too). This was in the (usually) simple Sample Signature document. Why? I can’t figure out any rationale for inclusion of residency information on that document.

The same package included, after the name, the phrase “a capable person”. Capable of what? Such a phrase could keep lawyers in discussion forever. This particular bit of foolishness was on the AKA statement. Of course no discussion of name descriptors would be complete with mention of the classic and most common one: the marital status. Before me appeared Suzy Snowflake, a single woman. Says who? Suzy of course. So why is it in MY statement? If Ms Snowflake wishes to make a statement that she is not married, I would be happy to notarize it. But, I certainly will not include her marital status in my statement.

Even if I were to be absolutely sure of her marital status it is improper for me to include it in my statement. But, one cannot prove their marital status – it’s impossible; think about it. The problem stems from some shoddy computer programming taking the “vesting name” from the mortgage (where marital status makes sense) and propagating it into other areas.

I have discussed the issue of name descriptors many times with foggy headed drones who feel that because it is preprinted I must live with it. Not so. The notary section IS the statement of the Notary Public and IS subject to change and or deletion. My licensing officials don’t allow it, and I am certainly not able to state someone is capable, married or where they reside. Sometimes it’s a tough judgment call. If the descriptor is “of legal age” I would have to know exactly where that phrase is applied. If they are under 21, it “might” matter in some states; and could also be document specific.

We want to process the document with little conflict, as raising “issues” often sours the client. To me it’s better to lose a client than receive a summons; and become a party to litigation. As a public official my words have, “authority”; and with that comes responsibility for accuracy.

.

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January 27, 2011

Miami Vice — a shipment of illegal notary seals

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Sit-Coms — admin @ 10:37 am

CHIEF: Sonny, you need to take care of this. There’s a shipment of illegal Notary seals coming in, but we have no intel on it. Can you handle it?

SONNY: I’m on it. But, I don’t have any reliable sources.

RICO: We’ll use any sources we can get. But, we do have something. Remember Nuggie?

SONNY: Oh God, him again? I’m on it.

(Rico and Sonny travel downtown)

RICO: Let’s get a Cuban cafe first and then find out guy.

SONNY: Deal. I just hope our Ferrari is safe. We’ll keep it in eye distance. Besides it has an alarm.

RICO: Dos cafes cubanos por favor. Y rapido tambien. (Two Cuban coffes, and make it fast!)

(gunshots ring out)

SONNY: Get down….. (pause) I think our plan has a hole in it. Make that a coffee cup with a hole in it. I’ll call it in. (ring ring) Hey, there were gun shots on Sunset BLVD. We have no idea what it was about, but the car sped off and they’re gone now.

GINA: Okay. You can finish your coffee now.

SONNY: How did you know we were having coffee?

GINA: Oh, just a hunch. Call it women’s intuition.

NUGGIE: Hey man, how are my boys doing. The Nug-man has arrived, and arrived in style. Check out my new shades. My new wife bought me these. Ha ha!!! Don’t keep me long because the Nuggie has to Boogie, you dig?

SONNY: We dig. Listen. Do you know anything about a shipment of illegal Notary seals coming into Miami harbor on a freighter in the next few days.

NUGGIE: That all depends on who and how much is asking.

SONNY: Rico, do you have a hundred?

RICO: Here’s two Ben Franklins. This one’s important.

NUGGIE: Oh, allright. Benjamin is doing the asking in repetition. All I know if that a guy named Sanchez is moving some heavy cargo from the Dominican Republic. Word on the street is that they have a seal forging plant over there and the action is hot and humid. You dig?

RICO: Do you know anything about where and when? Or a last name?

NUGGIE: He’s in his late 40’s, Cuban and had a mustache last time I checked. His organization prefers to use fishing boats, but they switch things up quite a bit to keep the authorities guessing.

RICO: Thanks Nuggie, you’ve been a huge help.

SONNY: (ring ring) Gina, do you have any intel on a guy named Sanchez who smuggles using fishing boats?

GINA: Last I heard, he was smuggling fishing boats. What a great cover.

SONNY: Very funny. Do you have anything?

GINA: We have a profile on the guy I think you are talking about. We have names, addresses, and rap sheets.

SONNY: Great, we’ll get the bug van and see if we can pick up some knowledge tapping some phones.

(3 hours later)

VAN GUY: We got the van set up. Sanchez’s crew are in the address we are in front of. They are talking about all types of things. But, they have only mentioned stampers once. I guess by that they mean Notary Seal.

SONNY: Anything about a time or place?

VAN GUY: Nothing yet.

(six hours later)

VAN GUY: (ring ring) We got a time. Noon tomorrow, there’s going to be a transfer from one fishing boat to several inflatable motor boats. Real little ones. They will be carrying the merchandise underwater in bags. If there is any trouble, the seals will sink to the bottom and there will be no evidence unless you have frog guys.

RICO: I know how to dive. I’ll handle this.

VAN GUY: They put a big rock in the bag, so we will have to bring a decompression suit just in case you dive too deep.

TRUDY: Don’t we need a Navy Seal for this, instead of a Notary Seal. It sounds too dangerous for Rico. And where will he hang his suit when he’s diving?

RICO: I’m not worried about that because my wet suit comes with a wet tie, and matching spear gun just in case I need it.

GINA: Hey Sonny, remember that shooting when you were having Cuban coffee? I just found out that was not just a random shooting. That was a competitor of the guy you are chasing named Rubio. They have their own channels for selling fake Notary seals, and are moving in on the supplier.

SONNY: Change of plans guys. We are going to set up a rendevous between Rubio and Sanchez. Either they kill each other, or we can arrest all of them all in one meet. Rico, you pretend to be one of Rubio’s guys and set up the meet. In the ocean. The dress code is wet suits.

RICO: I’m on it.

(nine hours later — at the meet in the ocean. Rubio’s guys try to hijack the merchandise. There is a shoot out. Half of Rubio’s guys are killed and retreat at high speed far away. Sanchez’s guys do not follow. After Rubio’s guys move out, Miami Vice moves in.)

RICO: Freeze, Miami Vice!

(Sanchez’s guys drop the Notary seals into the water. Rico jumps into the water with his spear gun)

VICTOR: Bubble bubble bubble

RICO: You don’t really bubble bubble mean that bubble?

(A secret deal was going on under water. There were five guys in wet suits with underwater guns. But, the Notary seals they were selling were underwater notary seals used by Jacque Cousteau.)

RICO: I’m going to need bubble up, I mean back bubble up. There are fbub-bub-bub-ive of them and only one of me.

SONNY: Damn it. I never thought of that. Ugh!!!!

RICO: But, I brought an underwater charge. I come prepared for this kind of thing mon.

(boom… meanwhile Sanchez’s guys bubble to the surface all disoriented after the underwater blast. Miami Vice has them at gun point. Sanchez puts a gun to his own head because he doesn’t want to go back to jail.

SONNY: Don’t do it. Just put the gun down.

SANCHEZ: I am never going back to jail again. I have had enough. (bang)

SONNY: No!!!!!!!!

After that, the seals were returned to the Florida Notary commission who did not want the seals because they said, “State of Florida, County of Underwater.”

(meanwhile back on Sonny’s boat)

RICO: That was quite a bust. I’ve never seen anything like it. Not in New York, not here. What’s up with your alligator, he is trying to eat his chain.

SONNY: I call it a classic case of “areptile disfunction.”

RICO: Ha ha ha ha ha. Good one.

.

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January 23, 2011

Notary Cheers: Sammy gets a name change form notarized

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular on Linked In,Popular Overall,Sit-Coms — Tags: — admin @ 10:28 am

CUSTOMER: “Bartender, I’ll have a Sam Adams Boston Lager, and a Certified John Hancock Pale Ale for my friend.”

SAM: “Ah, your friend must be a Notary.”

CLIFF: “Uh, y’know, Sammy, it’s a little known fact that he first got the name, John Hancock, after his notary public told him, ‘Put your John Hancock on that declaration!”

(song) “Sometimes you wanna go where everybody signs your name. And they’re always… kind of… glad you came… (as long as you show up on time and dress professionally.) You wanna be where you can see our documents are all the same. You wanna be where everyone signs your name.”

DIANE: “Sam, can you switch my shift tonight with Carla? The ballet is in town and Frasier and I are dying to attend their performance of Swan Lake.”

CARLA: “Too bad he can’t die before he gets there. Sammy, why do I always have to switch shifts with bleachbag? You know, I’ve got a life too!”

CLIFF: “Yeah, popping out papooses.”

CARLA: (getting into Cliff’s face) “You’ve got a life now, you wanna keep having one?”

SAM: (delivering the John Hancock) “Hey, listen man, you guys can witness name changes, right?”

NOTARY: “Well, you need a specific form for that from the County Clerk. Then, you sign it and get it notarized. But, I can only notarize it with you signing the old way, because that’s the way it will read on your driver’s license.”

CARLA: “Assuming he doesn’t have a DUI, and that his driver’s license hasn’t been revoked.”

NORM: “I heard that even if a driver’s license is revoked, if it’s still current, you can use it as a legal identification. Am I right on this one?”

NOTARY: “Hmm, actually, I had a case like that a year ago. I had to look it up in my Notary primer. It turned out that although the signer couldn’t use the ID to drive, he could still use it to be notarized.”

CLIFF: “Who’s changing their name, Sammy?”

SAM: “I am, when I take Veronica to the hotel on the Cape.”

NORM: “John Doe?”

SAM: “You’re looking at him.”

NORM & CLIFF: “Oooohh”

WOODY: “Is Veronica that married girl you’ve been telling us about, Sam?”

SAM: “Yeah, and if her husband ever finds out, my new name will be mud.”

DIANE: “Why you would disrupt the harmony of a marital relationship to satisfy your juvenile urges is a mark of immaturity for the likes of even you Sam.”

SAM: “Hey, first of all, her marriage is on the rocks.”

DIANE: “So, you are getting your rocks off.”

SAM: “Not exactly. But, John Doe will be, as soon as these papers get signed.”

WOODY: “Boy, Sam’s really something to watch… I mean… the future John is really something to watch.”

NORM: “But, I thought you didn’t have the paperwork yet.”

SAM: “It’s as good as in my hand. We’re only walking distance from the Suffolk County Clerk in downtown Boston.”

NOTARY: “Counting your chickens before they’ve hatched.”

NORM: “Trust me, Sammy’s chickens always hatch. Isn’t that right, Sam?”

SAM: “That’s right!”

WOODY: “Back on the farm in Indiana, our chickens always hatched. Or maybe it was the eggs that always hatched. I always get that mixed up.”

CLIFF: “But, the eggs come first, if you’re talking daylight savings time. And, above the equator.”

CARLA: “… when I throw’em at your car.”

DIANE: “Carla, if you switch shifts with me, I’ll be your best friend!”

CARLA: “You call that an incentive?”

DIANE: “I swear I’ll stay out of your hair for an entire month.”

CLIFF: “I was gonna make a crack about Carla’s hair, but, I’d rather live.”

CARLA: “All right. I’ll switch shifts with you. But, if you’re swearing you’ll stay out of my hair, I’m gonna need a notarized sworn Oath. Hurry before he leaves!”

NOTARY: “Can do.”

DIANE: “Fine, if you can’t find it in your… in what some people might refer to as a ‘heart’… to trust my word, I’ll assign my words to the proper forms as suggested by the lovely gentleman who ordered the John Hancock.”

NORM: “If you can find a form long enough.”

SAM: “Can we get a twofer here? Her Oath, my Name Change?”

NOTARY: “Sure, why not. Call me when your documents are all ready.”

DIANE: (raising her right hand) “I have one last question.”

NOTARY: “Should I raise my right hand too, while you ask that particular question? Sorry, Notary humor.”

DIANE: “Oh, I was just trying to get your attention. Can you come around 8 pm tomorrow? I’ll have the Oath written by then. I need this done at night because I’ll be working nights this week.”

CARLA: “Yeah, unless you switch shifts again!”

TO BE CONTINUED…

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January 10, 2011

Notary Cheers Part 2: Sammy gets a name change notarized

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , — admin @ 7:12 am

Please read the part 1 of this blog entry so you are aware of the context. Sam has to run to the county clerk to get his name change form, so that he can check into a hotel room anonymously with his girlfriend without a paper trail leading back to him. Diane needs to have an Oath for Carla stating that she will stay out of Carla’s hair in exchange for a shift switch.

DIANE: Sam, where are you going?

SAM: I’m running late. I need to get to the County Clerk’s office and get back here for my next shift.

DIANE: Just eat something and run over there. It’s only a fifteen minute walk. And it’s sunny today.

CARLA: Yeah, it’s sunny now. But, it’ll be a lot sunnier if certain people swear they’ll stay out of my hair, and get that Oath notarized.

CLIFF: (snickering under his breath) Who wouldn’t want to stay out of that Brillo Pad?

CARLA: (yanking on Cliff’s hair, causing him to wince) At least my hair isn’t about to be yanked out!

DIANE: Can’t you two save your antics for the playground?

CARLA: Relax. I’m not about to let your hair fall out. The bleach you’re overusing beat me to it.

DIANE: It’s not bleach. It’s the sun! Sam, I will get the Oath notarized at 8pm tonight. Scout’s honor! (raising her right hand)

SAM: Better not swear to the Notary it’s the sun. (Gang, except for Diane, chuckles) Gotta go.

Sam walks down to the County Clerk. The line isn’t that bad. Finally, it’s his turn.

CLERK: Purpose of ya’ visit sir?

SAM: I’m gonna need a name change form.

CLERK: Are ya’ sure you wanna change ya’ name? “Sam” sounds pretty good to me. Why ah’ you doin’ this?

SAM: I need to check into a hotel with my new girlfriend, but she’s married, and… I don’t want a paper trail leading back to me. It’s a long story.

CLERK: This never came from me — and I’m not recommendin’ it neitha’, but the easiest way to sneak around isn’t to change your name. It’s to get a fake ID.

SAM: A fake ID?

CLERK: Shhhh. I’m supposed to have ethics, so I can’t recommend doin’ that, but if you change ya’ name, there ah’ strings attached. A fake ID might get you in a little trouble, but you ahn’t hurting anyone, so the cops will go easy on you.

SAM: Can I change my name back if the relationship doesn’t work out?

CLERK: I’m known in town as the most helpful guy eva’ to work in a gova’ment office. I’ll tell ya’ one thing. You can do name variations too. Fa’ loan documents, they have a signature affidavit and AKA statement where you list all the names you’ve been known by in the past. You could get a name variation, and have an ID that represents one of ya’ names.

SAM: Wow. And I thought counting the notches on my bedpost was complicated. But I think I’m catching on. I like this. So, um, how do I do a variation?

CLERK: Here’s a form. By havin’ this form, you can get a second state issued ID, not a driver’s license but a state ID. It’s all legal ya’ see. That document is all ya’ need. For an alias, address, legally, you will need to open a post office box. But, the box would be traceable to your current name. Get the form notarized, then get the mail box, and then get ya’ ID — in that order, otha’wise you’ll screw the whole thing up!

SAM: I like that. Thanks a bunch. You saved my life and my relationship.

CLERK: What number notch will that be?

SAM: I can’t count that high.

Back at Cheers…

DIANE: I’m done typing up my official Oath. I, Diane Chambers of sound mind and body, residing at 54 Beacon Street, Boston, MA 02108, solemnly swear that I will not get in Carla’s proverbial hair. I will not bother her, harass her, nor will I nag her for any light and transient reasons, or even serious reasons for that matter. I included room for a signature, a date, and notarial verbiage.

CLIFF: I think there’s one thing you forgot, there Diane. You’re swearing never to bother her again for the rest of your life. That’s kind of a long time. After all, you’re still kind of a spring chicken.

DIANE: Thank you, Cliff. I think.

CARLA: Since when do spring chickens have barely visible breasts?

SAM: I’m back and I’m about to fill out the name variation document. Oh, and Carla, Diane happens to be very sensitive about her age — so mum’s the word.

WOODY: Mum’s the word, Sam? That’s what I call my mom, and she’s way older than Miss Chambers.

DIANE: You heard Woody, Sam. Pick another word.

SAM: How’s about “ageless”?

DIANE: No, Sam! That’s how they refer to people who already are old!

SAM: Okay, I’ll stick with “annoying.”

EVERYBODY: Norm!!!

WOODY: How’s it hangin’, Mr. Peterson?

NORM: According to Vera, it’s “barely.” Hey, Sammy, did you get that paperwork?

SAM: It’s all complete! And soon to be notarized!

NOTARY: I’m going to need a beer. Sorry I’m late. I kept looking for the bar where everybody knows my name.

DIANE: And we’re always glad you came.

CARLA: Please, don’t start singing.

DIANE: Here is my Oath verbiage — verbatum!

NOTARY: There’s nothing I love more than a prepared customer except for two things.

SAM: That high I can count. What?

NOTARY: A beautiful woman, and a cold one, but not necessarily in that order.

CARLA: (slamming Diane) Don’t you mean one thing?

CLIFF: Isn’t it, uh, illegal to notarize under the influence? It’s a little known fact that in ‘62 a notary who had a taste of the sauce mistakenly notarized JFK’s letter to Marilyn Manson instead of Marilyn Monroe.

NOTARY: It’s only illegal if your signer is intoxicated. You can be drunk, although it is highly discouraged in the Notary community. There is no law against it. The signer has to be of sound mind to be notarized, otherwise they might sign all their money away to a con-man, or worse.

CARLA: What could be worse than that?

NOTARY: They might sign their money over to their greedy family. It happened to me once notarizing an elderly lady who was in a hospital. They drugged her right before the signing. I had to go to court on that one and testify that she looked a bit out of it although I hadn’t been informed that she’d been medicated. I could’ve gotten in a lot of trouble on that one.

NORM: Good thing you didn’t. But isn’t it true that if you didn’t know the signer was medicated, you’re off the hook even if they seemed like they might have been medicated but didn’t make it too obvious?

NOTARY: (To Woody) One Sam Adams please. In these hospital signings, you can never be too careful. Even if you’re off the hook, that day you spend in court is enough to frazzle even the most diligent of notaries!

WOODY: See, that’s where you and I are different. I can be too careful. Like when I was too careful about not stepping on a crack that could break my mum’s back.

CLIFF: What happened, Woody?

WOODY: I accidentally stepped on her toe instead.

SAM: If I were a Notary, I’d look them over from head to toe. Make sure they seem “sound” to me.

CLIFF: That’s what he does with every female under 35 who waltzes in here. He’s good at that.

NOTARY: Okay, I feel ready. I’ll finish the other half of my beer after Diane’s docs. I’ll put the beer to the right — no breathing on it, and your docs to the left. Let’s see if the table is nice and dry?

DIANE: Oh, I brought a clip-board for that. I don’t want my documents touching that petri dish of a bar.

NOTARY: Can I see your ID ma’am?

DIANE: Oh, here it is.

NOTARY: Hmmm. (loudly) 1947, what? You don’t look a day over 35. How could this be….

CLIFF: The secret’s out! The cat’s out of the bag!

CARLA: So the stick is old enough to run for President! I knew that makeup was covering up your “gravitas.”

DIANE: Hear me now, Carla! And hear me, everyone! I am far too young to be President!

CLIFF: You can run for leader of the free world if you’re 35, Diane.

NORM: Wow, Sammy. Who knew you liked older women?

They all laugh.

DIANE: (to Notary) Some things are supposed to be private! One’s age… hair color…

NOTARY: I’m so sorry.

DIANE: Oh well. (sniffle) At least, we can get this form notarized.

NOTARY: Do you solemnly swear that you agree to the terms in this document, and that you will not get in Carla’s hair?

DIANE: As things happen to currently stand, very “solemnly.” (raising her right hand and looking dismally at the floor) Yes, I do (sniffle)

NORM: I now pronounce you Notary, and wife!

CLIFF: I’ll drink to that!

SAM: What about my form?

NOTARY: Let me have the other half of my beer.

NORM: Now that she said I do, your other half is right there!

DIANE: You know I’m still with Frasier, Norman.

NORM: Don’t worry. We won’t tell him you’re robbing the cradle.

DIANE: In answer to “how’s it hangin’,” “it” is about to be your neck!

NOTARY: Okay, I’m ready for Sam. Bring it over. No spilling drinks on the documents people! I mean that!

SAM: Here it is.

NOTARY: Okay, now for this signature, you sign your name as Sam, but on this next signature, you sign as John Doe. Do you think you can do that?

SAM: I’m not great at remembering names. But, sure, I think I can handle it…

NOTARY: Your notarization is complete Mr. Doe.

SAM: Sweet!!! I’ll tell Veronica!

CLIFF: Just don’t tell her husband your old name. Or your new name’ll be “mud.”

NORM: So, what do we owe you?

DIANE: No, you don’t have to do that.

NORM: It’s the least we can do after the humiliation and grief we’ve caused you.

NOTARY: I’ll tell you what. Another beer, and $30. We’ll call it even.

SAM: I’ve never said this to anyone, but, you’re my kind of Notary.

NOTARY: Do you really mean that?

SAM: I do.

NORM: Now, it’s a threesome! Sammy said, “I do” too!

You might also like:

Part 1 of Notary Cheers: Sammy gets a name change notarized!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10016

Seinfeld Episode about a Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6616

Two and a half notaries: Detering notary fraud
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10452

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November 30, 2010

CW’s When ID and Docs Have Different Names

Filed under: Credible Witnesses — Tags: , , — admin @ 8:56 am

Credible Witness Discussions on the Forum

Here are some excerpts for discussions about credible witnesses on our forum. Please remember that many states require the signature of a credible witness in your journal and that roughly 90% of states allow credible witnesses to identify a signer. Its a great idea to also record the identification information on credible witnesses as well as getting a phone number recorded just in case. Don’t forget to administer your oath to the credible witnesses asking them to swear that the person in front of them is Jimmy Doe! These commentaries are taken from a forum post. Please feel free to scroll to the bottom and click on the link to see the original post.

Use of CW’s when ID and Document have different names

Larry Said:
It has been suggested that credible witnesses would be an appropriate method to establish the idenity of a signer when the docs had the name printed as James Doe, and they had to be signed that way, and the drivers license the borrower presented had the name Jimmy Doe. My take on this is that credible witnesses could NOT be used but that reasonable reliance on the drivers license photo, description and signature match would allow me to notarize the signature as James Doe. Am I wrong here? I’m in California.

Deborah Bond Said:
 I have had this exact situation previously. I was lucky. Docs as James, ID as JIMMY. I asked for additional id and was handed Passport, Social and birth certificate and was shocked to find Passport said Jimmy, Social James and Birth James…Hence I had plenty of info stating Jimmy was James.

I did not get copies of all this but called my contact LO and advised of name issue and that LEGALLY his name was JAMES but 1/2 ID said Jimmy and they wanted copy of the DL…which had the wrong name. Per the LO his ID Affidavit showed both names when we were done and on the copy of the drivers lic we had him state that is is known as Jimmy and had him sign as James…

Now if he had not the additional id’s I would have had to adjourn because in Massachusetts CW are not a viable option. CW needs to be known to both the NOTARY (highly unlikely) and the person being id’d. The chance of that is slim. I liken it to asking my neighbor Bob (who I know) to ID another neighbor Chris who I know but has no ID. Chance is unlikely that would EVER happen.

Joe Ewing Said:
You are correct Larry but Jimmy goes on the Acknowledgment. The AKA statement that the signer signs under oath would have him signing as Jimmy and James. Credible witnesses when told that they must swear under penalty of purgery (a felony) punishable by 2-4 years in prison that their neighbor goes by a nickname will generally refuse to cooperate and rightly so.

I have used credible identifying witnesses on many occasions. When the signer has an expired ID or no ID at all a credible witness is necessary to establish the current identity of the signer without satisfactory ID.

* Missuse of credible witnesses by Notary Signing Agents

The credible witness codes were NOT created to determine the correct spelling, the presence of a middle name, whether the signer is a junior or a nick name is the real name. When a signer has a current acceptable ID that shows a slightly different spelling of the signers name that is printed on a set of loan docs, it is not appropriate to call two neighbors into a notarization to swear (a felony) not to someones identity but that the signer is actually a junior or that Joe is actually Joseph. That act by the notary in itself is inapproriate.

You (NOTARY) are looking at a picture, a description and a signature. It is the Notarys duty to make a resonable determination as to the identity of the signer based on that current satisfactory ID presented to him. If the notary is unable to do that then the notary should resign his commission. 

Shannon Said:
Joe, I’m concerned that you seem to be indicating that there is somehow some discretion by the notary on whether to notarize. I prefer to rely on what is more black or white. The ID is going to be what the ID is….I would never feel comfortable with a name that is even partially different. Although I can’t quote exact statute, I seem to recall that credible witnesses are not to be used for “convenience of the signer” for example: If the signer left his ID across town…..       Any thoughts on this?

.

You might also like:

Credible witnesses – the ins and the outs
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19634

Credible witnesses – the process explained
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16695

Notary Public 101 – a comprehensive course about Notary work.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19493

Identification for being Notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19507

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January 24, 2022

Notary Happy Days Goes to China!

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , — admin @ 10:29 pm

This was originally published many years ago.

Intro Joke:
A New Yorker was in the middle of downtown Shanghai with his wife and
kid. They walk into a restaurant where everybody in sight is Chinese
and nobody speaks a word of English.

The wife asks, “Where’s the bathroom?”
His kid asks, “Do you have egg rolls?”
And the guy asks, “Is the food authentic?”

I grew up watching Happy Days. I loved Richie, Potsie, Chachi, and
the gang. But, a Notary recently had to fly to Shanghai to do a
notarization for the Chinese version of Happy Days called “Yu-Kuai
Tian” which loosely translated means cheerful or happy day(s).

A Notary was called in to do a notarization for the staff of Yu-Kuai
Tian. He thought the notarization would be for a screenplay or a
writer’s contract. Boy, was he wrong.

NOTARY: Hi, I’m here for the notarization.

MANAGER: Solly no Yingrish! You wait!

ASSISTANT: Oh yes, we have been expecting you.

NOTARY: So, who am I signing for? One of the managers or the writers?

ASSISTANT: Oh, they didn’t tell you? You’re signing for the Chinese
Henry Winkler — “The Fong.” He’s late today because he was out last
night with one of his lady friends. One of his classier girlfiends who
doesn’t slurp when she eats her shark fin delight of three soup.

NOTARY: Sounds like an Ayy! One gal.

ASSISTANT: He’s out in back finishing repairing the transmission in a
rickshaw. He won’t be ready for you until 3pm. You can try one of our local restaurants.
They are quite good.

NOTARY: Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll try the one with the green
sign. I’ll just hope for the best.

ASSISTANT: But, before you go, please meet Mr. Yu and his guys. We
call them Yu’s guys!

NOTARY: Okay, how Yu’s guys doin’? This is how we talk in New York by the way.

(At the restaurant with the green sign. All of the staff are Chinese
and speak almost no English and all of the customers without exception
are Chinese as it is in downtown Shanghai.)

WAITER: Hello, I your waiter. My name Cha-Chee Wang.

NOTARY: You’re kidding. Cha-chee, like in Yu-Kuai Tian?

WAITER: Yes, I work there on my off day as wing man for The Fong. With my husband, Jo-Nee.
Jo-Nee love Cha-Chee.

NOTARY: I don’t care what I eat, but there is one thing that matters to me.

WAITER: You like dish called Potsie Sticker. It kind of dumpling.

NOTARY: Well, what I wanted to know is — is the food authentic?

WAITER: Yeah, food authentic all right. Half hour after you eat, you hungry to breathe
Oxygen. We in China after all. No Americanized food here. We don’t even know what that mean.
But, today long day. Potsie also work here. He having worst day in life. He so
out of it, it take him half hour to make “minute fried rice.”

NOTARY: Well maybe you should have Joannie come and help him.

WAITER: We try, but Joannie Chan busy. Anyway, one order of Potsie
Sticker coming up. By the way, last week was Chinese New Year – year
of the monkey, but sorry, we not serve monkey here. Try down street.
Delicacy — very expensive.

NOTARY: Thanks, but when I said authentic, maybe I had no idea what I
was getting myself into.

(30 minutes later)

NOTARY: Thanks for the great meal. Let me give you 40 ren-min-bi,
that should cover it. Back to the set.

THE FONG: Heyyyyyy!!!!! (with two sexy Chinese girls: one on each
side of him in cheerleader outfits.)

NOTARY: Wow, I get to meet the Chinese Fonzie in the flesh.

THE FONG: No, don’t touch the leather. Just got it restored at Wing’s
leather repair down street. And don’t touch the hair either.

NOTARY: Okay, I promise not to.

GIRLS: We promise not to either! hee-hee-hee…

THE FONG: Eyyyy!!!!! (puts two thumbs up.)

NOTARY: Good thing we’re not doing thumbprints.

THE FONG: If we did, you not need ink, plenty of grease already on
thumbs from mechanic work not to mention coconut oil on hair for good
look.

NOTARY: Okay, I’ll need to see some ID.

THE FONG: Okay, legal name Fong Xiao-Leng, similar to Bruce Lee’s
Chinese name. But, people call me The Fong!

NOTARY: In real life I am not allowed to notarize outside of the State
of New Jersey where I am legally commissioned as a Notary Public, but
since this is a fictional comedy blog, I will take some liberties and
illegally use my stamp here in Shanghai.

THE FONG: Okay, so where do The Fong sign?

NOTARY: Right here

(The Fong signs in the wrong place and Notary scolds him)

NOTARY: No not there. You signed in the wrong place!

THE FONG: Wait second. You say The Fong… w-w-w-w-wong? The Fong NEVER wong!!!

NOTARY: Yeah, you were supposed to sign right here, and you signed
down there where the signature of the Notary is supposed to be.

THE FONG: Nobody say The Fong w-w-w-w-w-rong…. Not even The Fong’s mother.

NOTARY: Just admit it… You were wrong.

THE FONG: I can’t say it. I was w-w-w-w-w-w-… I just can’t.

NOTARY: Try one more time. Never mind. We’ll sign this fresh duplicate
I brought. Be more careful this time.

THE FONG: Okay. (scribbles The Fong on document)

NOTARY: No, that’s wrong. Your legal name is Fong Xiao-Leng, not The
Fong. The Fong is your nickname. You can’t legally be notarized using
that name.

THE FONG: Hey, this is blog entry. I do what I want. But, you say I
w-w-w-w-wrong again? We take this outside! NOBODY say The Fong wrong.

(The Fong grabs the Notary and takes him outside behind the garage)

THE FONG: You want on chin? Hurt more — show less. Or on gut? Hurt
more, nobody see.

NOTARY: What are you talking about?

THE FONG: You say The Fong wrong. Nobody say The Fong wrong and live
to tell about it. I punch you hard. You choose place.

NOTARY: Go for the gut. My dumplings weren’t that good anyway. I
think I prefer Americanized Chinese food come to think of it. But, I
have one condition. You can only punch me if you admit that you were
wrong.

THE FONG: Deal… (punch)

NOTARY: Oh my God… What are you, a Shao-Lin monk? That really hurt.
Ouch. I’ll spend the rest of the day bent over. Now it’s your turn.
You have to keep your end of the bargain and admit that you were
wrong. Fair is fair.

THE FONG: Okay. I keep bargain. I was w-w-w-w-w-w-w….

NOTARY: Yes, this is a Deed for the sale of one of the rick-shaws you repaired.

THE FONG: Do you notarize auto-sale paperwork?

NOTARY: I notarize any documents about anything that starts with a key
and goes vroom vroom!

THE FONG: Eyyyy!!!! That sound like something The Fong would say.
Anyway… I was w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w.

NOTARY: You can do it. Good thing I ate lightly.

THE FONG: I was wr-r-r-r-r… It so hard. I was w-w-w-w…. WONG! I was wong!

GIRLS: I can’t believe he said it. The Fong was wrong!

NOTARY: Okay, now sign this 3rd copy I made as Fong Xiao-Leng and
we’ll be all done and I’ll take the next flight back to America.

.

You might also like:

You know you’re a Notary when…
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

The Lonely Italian — parody in a notary context
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15842

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>

July 18, 2021

More on a bar only for “cool” notaries!!!

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 4:09 am

My short blog about a bar only for cool Notaries took off. The comments were great, and people really liked it. It really needed to be longer, but I didn’t realize it would be so popular. I’m just wondering what would people talk about at a Notary bar?

NOTARY: I’ll have a Manhattan… put “New York” County in the venue though. Manhattan is not a legal name for a county.

JEREMY: Just for my records, do you do other counties too?

NOTARY: Call me back during business hours. Can’t you see I’m having a drink, or trying to?

BARTENDER: Can I see some ID?

NOTARY: I ID you, you don’t ID me…. I’m the Notary. Besides, look at this gray hair and arthritis… Okay, he’s giving me the look. Here is my ID.

JEFF: Hey baby, is that a stamp in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

MAY: I’m supposed to say that dummy. You’re so dumb I bet you work exclusively for signing companies who low-ball you.

JEFF: Hey hey hey, that was a low blow. We all have needs. Would you like to sign my journal where all the other hot ladies have?

MAY: I thought I was the only one! Hey, I ordered a Reverse Mortgage on the rocks, and I need it yesterday — so backdate it!

BOUNCER: Sorry, maam, but I need to hook you up to the coolometer to see if you are cool enough to hang out here.

MAY: I’m too intoxicated to drive, so I’m in big trouble if I don’t pass.

JEFF: Better hook me up to the laughometer, this chick is funny!

JEREMY: Hey bartender, if Jim Beam wants to be notarized as Jim W Beam, but his ID says Jim Beam, can you notarize him under the circumstances?

BARTENDER: If he’s over 21, I’ll notarize him. I had John Hancock come in here, and guess what he did.

JEREMY: I don’t know… did he sign something?

MAY: John Hancock ate something that didn’t agree with him, but said not to worry, because — he said — he had a good CONSTITUTION!

BOUNCER: I would like to declare my independence. All of you are cool tonight. I’ll see who is coming at the door.

BARTENDER: How come “Margarita” doesn’t have a last name? How do you notarize someone with just one name.

JEFF: Hmmm, I had a guy named Fink once in a bad neighborhood. Real story. That was his first and only name. No surname. Bizarre. Not a wealthy person just for the record.

JEREMY: I’ll have a Black Russian

MAY: Don’t you mean an “African American Russian?”

JEREMY: Comrade please, you think I’m trying to hear that? Oh hell Nyet…. helllll nyet!!!

JEFF: Okay, dos-vidanya… actually it is late so tres or cuatro-vidanya baby!

BARTENDER: How did Mary get bloody? Was it one of those dangerous notarizations?

MAY: Maybe it was that time of the month.

JEREMY: Yeah, the notary business really picks up at that time of the month.

JEFF: Not that time of the month. It’s a different — that time of the month.

JEREMY: Yes, but if you call notaries about their listing at that busy time of the month they get cranky.

MAY: Oh, so now we can get cranky at two times of the month. Being a woman just isn’t what it used to be.

BARTENDER: Since this is a Notary bar, did you know there is a wine called Notary Public from California’s mid coast region.

JEREMY: I knew that — I’ve had it many times. Great wine, a little pricy though.

MAY: I hope they didn’t charge more than the state maximum per signature.

JEREMY: They charged $20 per signature — I mean per glass. Ouch. But, when I had it, I started going into that zone — like a haze, like after you have some French wine, life is like a dream.

MAY: And you started dreaming about notarizing sexy girls on the banks of the Rhone?

JEREMY: Actually, after a glass of Bordeaux at a local spot I started fantasizing about being in the rolling hills of Bordeaux. That thought came to my head as I gazed into the distance in a relaxed state. Ah, the joys of wine. And it all happened at my favorite place in Los Angeles — Farmer’s market.

JEFF: Before I go, does the Farmer’s daughter hang out there?

JEREMY: Yes, but she is not old enough to get notarized…

BARTENDER: And not old enough to do a whole lot of other things too I bet.

MAY: You have to be 18 before your signature is legally binding, and 21 before your drink at a bar is legally binding. That’s one thing you won’t want to backdate!

BARTENDER: I once went out with a chick on a backdate. It was fun, we did everything in reverse.

JEFF: Oh, so you like it in reverse.

BOUNCER: You have a good sense of humor, I’d like to hook you up to the “coolometer” just to get a reading….. oh…. 7, not bad. Better than Jeremy. He only got a 6 which is still passable.

MAY: So, who got a 10 for coolness.

BOUNCER: A guy in New York. But, he never shows up. He’s studying four different languages and has a million different interests. I wish he would come her. I wish for that matter I could bounce people in as well as bounce them out.

JEREMY: Now there’s a thought. What about taking a course on how to raise our coolness level so we’ll be prepared when you hook us up to the coolometer.

BOUNCER: Didn’t you write an article on Bad Boy Notaries? Just read that article again and again — I think that will raise you at least a point right there.

JEFF: Okay, this time I’m really going…. and as always — stay cool and… don’t drink and sign!!!

You might also like:

A bar only for “cool” Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22546

Are you a bad boy Notary?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22380

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