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June 23, 2014

Bond. Notary Bond.

Filed under: Movie Themes — Tags: , , , — admin @ 12:47 am

How come there is a James Bond, but no Notary Bond!
Okay, there is a Notary Surety Bond, but that is a contractual agreement, not a person. I’m talking about a dude!

Notary Bond — spy, assassin, and Notary Public at large!

Notary Bond: “This is 007 reporting for active duty, I’m awaiting my instructions.”
Boss: “Just hold tight for the moment. We have a signing in San Diego coming up.”
Notary Bond: “Is it near a ski lift? I enjoy the drama of running for my life on and near ski lifts.”
Boss: “How about being chased on a surf board and then having Mexican lobster bits in Old Town?”
Notary Bond: “I have no objections!”

In the mean time, with absolute Surety — Notary Bond or “Notary Surety Bond” goes for a drink in Rancho Santa Fe, where the local multi-millionaires live!

Bar Tender: “Welcome, what can I do you in for?”
Notary Bond: “I’d like my signature drink — a Notarial Martini — shaken, not stirred”
Bar Tender: “May I see your license and E&O insurance please?”
Notary Bond: “Not a problem – here it is…”
Bar Tender: “Oh, (pause) you’re…”
Notary Bond: “Yes, I’m… well, I prefer not to discuss that in mixed company.”
Bond Girl: “Hi I’m Jessica”
Notary bond: “You’re irresistible Jessica!”
Bond Girl: “Thanks. I notice those two men at the other end of the bar staring at you. There are two other men wearing black in a car staring at them. What’s this all about?”
Notary Bond: “Not to worry. I’ll take care of it after a quick trip to the rest room. By the way, you are as beautiful as Trump’s 2nd wife!”
Bond Girl: “You mean first wife”
Notary Bond: “My mistake. Luckily that type of mistake will not be my last.”
Bond Girl: “Well, if it was, it would be short lived!”
Notary Bond: “Finish this for me!”
———- (he dives over the bar… gunshots ring out.. next thing you know you see the black BMW driving off and the two scary looking guts with their throats slit squirming on the side walk)———-

The two guys watching Bond from their table were looking in the bathroom for Bond while Bond had slipped out the kitchen back door and to the car which he stole after resolving the problem of the two passengers. Notary Bond swerved and turned through the twisty and hilly San Diego County roads on his way to Encinitas beach to go surfing to his underwater hideout — equipped with oxygen tanks.

2 Guys: “We’ve got his girl kidnapped. Let’s find him. Luckily for us, we have GPS tracking for the car he stole.”
Notary bond: “Off to go surfing. And I can’t think of a more perfect day. I hope my wet suit is ready!”
2 Guys: “There he is! He’s running towards the water in his wet suit.”
Notary Bond: “I need to get 200 feet out and then I’m good.”

Meanwhile the bad guys have a motor boat waiting for them and beat Bond to the sea level coordinates of his underwater hideout. But, Bond disappears!!!

2 Guys: “He was here two seconds ago, what happened? His surfboard is still here? He didn’t have tanks! How long can he hold his breath?”
Notary Bond: “I couldn’t help but overhear that someone was looking for me!”
2 Guys: “Drop the gun or the girl dies!”
Notary Bond: “She means nothing to me!”
2 Guys: “Why does he always say that? Then you don’t mind if we throw her into our shark tank down below?”
Notary Bond: “Yes, I do mind, because I want to throw that double-crosser in myself!”

Notary Bond drags the girl by her hair to the shark tank. Bang Bang. Bond’s accomplice secretly boarded the boat from his underwater compound, kills the bad guys. Now it is off to Mexico for a little R&R.

Notary Bond: “All in a day’s work — actually, that only took 22 minutes! Hello, this is 007 reporting to base. Mission accomplished, but next time can you send me a blonde? I’m tired of brunettes…”

(1) Notary Bond: “This is 007 reporting for active duty, I’m awaiting my instructions.”
(2) Hello, this is 007: Mission accomplished, but next time can you send me a blonde? I’m tired of brunettes…”


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