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December 23, 2013

Santa gives gifts to Notaries

Santa Gives Gifts to Notaries

There’s nobody quite like Santa. He has an uncanny ability to know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. I think that certain cats know that too, because they will just start hissing at a stranger for no reason! This year Santa decided to spend a little time visiting the houses of notaries. After all, they had worked so hard, and all they got in return were small checks, micromanaging, and fax back requests.

At house #1 (The Changs). They thought Santa was Cantonese or at least had studied Cantonese because he kept saying “Ho-ho-ho” which is Cantonese for “Very-good-good-good.” It puzzled them to understand how someone who spoke their language (at least a little bit of their language) could survive in such a cold climate — and without Dim Sum! For the Changs, Santa got them a new DVD system that could record eight programs simultaneously and create an indexing system for the huge volume of content that it stored.

At house #2 (The Cohens)
The Cohens were Jewish and didn’t celebrate Christmas. To be truthful, they didn’t follow Jewish holidays that much either. This year they acted surprised when they found out it was the first day Chanukah! (so much for guilt-free gelt) Everyone wished them “Happy Holidays” when Christians were having their holidays. How politically correct is that really? Why not wish the Cohens happy holidays when the Cohens were having THEIR holidays? In any case, Santa knew about their problem collecting from a particular signing company — so he got them some sample demand letters to get paid, and a gift certificate to a legal support center! They liked their gifts so much that they created a fictional character for their kids called, “Abba Chanukah” who had a long flowing beard and gave gifts (and gelt) to kids who had been good on the first day of Chanukah — except they got the dates screwed up every single year since their holiday dates are based on the lunar calendar!

At house #3 (The Johnsons)
The Johnsons were a typical American family. They celebrated all of the regular holidays except for Veteran’s day because they were anti-war (and secretly they didn’t like veterans). The Johnsons didn’t know this, but their fax machine was about to break in the middle of a huge fax-back job. But, Santa knew. I’m not sure exactly how he got a huge fax / scanning system down their narrow chimney, but he did it. The Johnsons just left it in its box until the 28th, when their old fax machine stopped functioning in the middle of page 29.

At house #4 (The Smiths)
The Smiths were a typical American family, but they had decided to become Buddhists to be at one with the universe. They used to be Methodists, but they preferred one-ness to being methodical, not to mention that they got tired of all the endless church songs. The Smiths had three kids, and they wanted them to have a semi-normal childhood, so they had a Christmas tree and gifts. Santa gave them some nice gifts.

On the 3rd day of Christmas they got:
1 ink refill (for their notary seal),
2 pads of loose Jurats,
3 Acknowledgment pads,
and an NNA carry all bag (fits your journal, stamps, pens, pads, etc.)

But, on the 4th day of Christmas, Santa brought:
1 ink refill,
2 pads of Jurats,
3 Acknowledgment pads,
4 gift certificates to buddhasforless.com (online shopping for Buddhists — the best gift of all.)
and an NNA carry all bag (sorry, not in a pear tree)…

Every time the Smiths saw a Buddha, they always said, “Why, I could have gotten that particular Buddha at less than half the cost at Buddhasforless.com!” Now, they can buy half of the entire store!

At House #5 (The Jones)
The Jones seemed normal on the outside, but they could never keep directions straight. Santa knew what they needed. A GPS system. This GPS system was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop (providing the sound system on the GPS was turned on). But, there is more! This GPS had advanced features. It could tell you when and where the best place to buy gas was on the way! The Jones’ loved their gift and never got lost again, except when they were in a no fly zone and couldn’t get satellite connectivity.


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