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December 21, 2013

Speed Notarizing vs. Speed Dating

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , — admin @ 6:39 am

Speed Dating vs. Speed Notarizing

There was a notary who was single and ready to mingle. He did everything quickly. So, he went to a speed dating event. He met 30 girls in 60 minutes.

When asked how he liked it, he said, “Too slow”. He was kidding. His method was to walk into a room, find the one person he wanted to talk to most, and go talk to them. If that didn’t work, he left and went to another party or gathering. He called it “speed-scanning”.

But, that notary had an interesting situation downtown that reminded him of his speed dating engagement. He was to do some notarizing for a room full of employees for a huge company who occupied an entire floor in a high rise. There would be 100 of them, and he was going to get paid $10 cash per person. Yay! Easy money for once in his life.

The notary arrived at 10am as appointed. The boss came in and said, “Bad news, we only have 70 of our employees in the office now. But, a few stragglers might come later.” The notary, being an organized guy suggested that they make a list of names and phone numbers. One list of people here now, and another of those who were not around. So, one of the assistant’s did exactly that. Our notary had the assistant call in 10 of the signers, and then do a “refill” of five at a time whenever the line dropped to five people. That way there would always be movement and he would never run out of work to do. So, our notary guy got his first 10 signers.

Notary guy made sure each signer had their identification ready, and that it wasn’t expired. He made sure they had a pen handy too. He started them on his left. He recorded the identification and the document name. Then he had them come to the right to sign the journal. Then, he filled out the form. It was like an assembly line with a stamp! But, the dialogue was different based on a force of habit that notary guy learned — well, you know where!

Notary: “You have beautiful eyes”
Signer: “Excuse me?”
Notary: “May I see your ID?”
Signer: “Sure, if I can see yours!”
Notary: “Okay… here’s mine. So, what do you do?”
Signer: “I’m in bookkeeping”
Notary: “Just don’t keep my book, I might need it tomorrow!”
Signer: “Oh, I wouldn’t think of it!”
Notary: “Please sign the journal”
Signer: “Okay!”
Notary: “Are you sure you are not a doctor? That looks like a doctor’s signature!”
Signer: “No, I just sign a lot, so my signature is really fast. You should see me at the supermarket on those digital signature pads — swoosh!!!”
Notary: “So, what do you do for fun?”
Signer: “Well, I like to…”
Notary: “Buzz…. sorry, your two minutes are over. NEXT!!!!”
Signer: “I don’t get it”
Notary: “Oh, sorry, I do a lot of speed dating. I guess I have done it so much, that I am still doing it even when I am not doing it. We can exchange phone numbers if you are still interested!”
Signer: “Well, I don’t usually…”
Next Signer: “Hey, there are other people in line”
Notary: “See why speed dating experience comes in handy? Learning to deal with time pressure comes in handy right about now!”
Signer: “Boy oh boy… you don’t kid around. If we do on a date, I hope it is more than two minutes!”
Notary: “Thanks for your phone number, and yes it will be. It will be at least 20 minutes — as a matter of policy”
Signer: “20 minutes — I have never heard of anything like this before.”
Notary: “It is a system… it works”
Signer: “How long is the 2nd date”
Next Signer: “Hey, do you mind? — here’s my ID”
Notary: “My personal rule for the 2nd date is that it is two hours. You ease into knowing the person. You don’t just spring it on yourselves”
Signer: “Wow, that is really interesting. From 2 minutes to 20 minutes to 2 hours. If you like each other, is the 3rd date 2 days?”
Notary: “It could be, but let’s take this step by step. Just bring a pen to the first date?”
Signer: “Why, are you going to ask me to sign your speed dating journal?”
Notary: “You’ll find out, but there is a very distinct chance that you might be right!”
Signer: “See you then.”

Our Notary guy made off with 10 phone numbers of beautiful women. He dated them all for exactly 20 minutes at the same Starbucks — one after the next. The phrase that kept being repeated loudly three times per hour on schedule at the frappachino line was,

“You’re dating him too?”

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1 Comment »

  1. Does this guy actually hold an active license? I’m still waiting for a punchline. Put the bottle down and talk to a therapist.

    Comment by Colton Dawson — December 25, 2013 @ 10:31 pm

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