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April 28, 2020

A notary dies and sees his whole life flash before him

Filed under: General Articles — admin @ 9:33 am

We don’t always think about dying. I think about it when I am on a plane because I get paranoid during turbulence. Other people get paranoid during notarizations — what if I die while affixing my seal? But, this story is about a notary who dies.

Joe the Notary was on his last day. He drove to his notary job, drove home, had dinner and then started dying. His life flashed before him like it does in a movie, but without the special effects.

Joe was dying. Not from indigestion, although the burrito was a little to spicy. He was just dying. Angels appeared before him. He saw all of the bad deeds he had done which included quit claim deeds. He saw all the times he backdated and learned that he would be judged in heaven for those wrongful things. He also saw that he has not been paid for a handful of signing companies and that they too would be penalized on the other side. He saw his wedding, his wives, kids, mistresses and concubines. Yes, Joe had been a bad boy. Nobody knew except for the folks in the brighter world who keep tabs on these things. He saw his birth, salient childhood memories, the day he learned to tie his shoes, the day he learned to wipe in the bathroom and the day he joined the football team.

Yes, Joe had lived a good life. But, now he would be judged for backdating. Why is like so cruel… or should I say, afterlife? Afterlife’s a bitch!

So, he was sent to backdate purgatory. It was not hell, not horrible, but not heaven either. It was a particular karmic realm where people who fudged dates were sent. He was scheduled to be sent there on the 10th, but delivered on the 9th while the paperwork said the 10th. Joe asked what was going on — the clerk said, “karmic retribution sir.” He was scheduled to have dinner at 6pm but it was served at 9pm but on the form it said 6pm. Joe would be punished for three years in this realm. It really wasn’t that bad, but the dates and times were routinely fudged. Hmmm.

So, if you are thinking about committing notary

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