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June 6, 2019

Notary weapons: numchucks, torture rack, and more.

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 11:08 pm

It is imperative that Notaries develop an arsenal of weapons so as to survive the Notary industry unscathed. There are instances where one must defend themselves from signing companies. Numchucks are excellent for this purpose — and you don’t have to be Asian to use them although it doesn’t hurt either. But, if you grip them too hard you might have “numbhands”! And if you are incompetent people from Boston someone might call you “numbnuts.” But, there are other problems that could arise in the Notary arena that must be discussed.

Suppose you have a signer in front of you, who is not convinced that they want to sign. A resourceful Notary will employ all options to solve this unpleasant and slightly embarrassing situation. The use of a torture rack seems like the most efficient. That way you can easily convince the signer that indeed they really do want to sign.

Then there is the crossbow. Good for signature by X signings since the X looks like a cross. Also handy if your signer is a cross-dresser.

After careful review, the use of a mace seems overly heavy handed and will knock your signer out cold. Therefore we recommend against the use of maces, clubs, and bats, not necessarily in that order (unless you are a fan of the Movie “Gangs of New York.” However, if used as purely an intimidation tool, a mace might prove useful. Then there is also a Pakistani spice called Javetry or Mace which is completely different and not to be confused with a bat-like mace — unless you have a large clump of it.

So, in addition to carrying a stamp, acknowledgment pads, pens, and other standard Notary items, next time you go to a signing, consider taking a torture rack with you. You might actually have an opportunity to use one. (FYI – Macy’s is having a sale on foldable torture racks at 50% off while supplies last.)


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