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May 27, 2019

Aaron calls the “Above and Beyond” Notary Hotline

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 10:48 am

AARON: Hi, Notary hotline?

HOTLINE LADY: Hi, this is Roxanne (sultry voice), what kind of a question do you have for me today?

AARON: Ummm, this is the NNA hotline, right?

HOTLINE LADY: I think you’re mistaken. We’re not the NNA, we’re Above and Beyond.

AARON: Oh.. Um… Okay, so can I notarize a deaf signer?

HOTLINE LADY: What?

AARON: (a little louder) So, can I notarize a deaf signer?

HOTLINE LADY: I still didn’t hear you clearly, honey.

AARON: (yelling) Can I notarize a deaf signer?

HOTLINE LADY: Not so loud. What do you think I am… deaf??? To answer your question, you must be able to communicate directly with the signer. So, you could do what the deep water divers do and use a mini chalk board to communicate.

AARON: Can I bring my wet suit to the signing too? I’ve always wanted to do that.

HOTLINE LADY: With some of the clients you deal with, the oxygen tanks might come in handy. So (pause) what are you wearing?

AARON: What????

HOTLINE LADY: You heard me you shy little guy you. (pausse) What are you wearing?

AARON: Is this a real Notary hotline?

HOTLINE LADY: You keep confusing us with the NNA. The NNA sticks to giving professional answers to Notary questions. We do that, plus a little more, hence the name Above and Beyond Notary Hotline. I bet you’re wearing something sexy. Would you like to tell me what is it. I’ll tell you what I’m wearing.

AARON: Oh God. Ummm. I’m wearing (pause) a shirt.

HOTLINE LADY: Oooooooh. That sounds sexy. So, what do you do for a living?

AARON: I sell paper.

HOTLINE LADY: That sounds ex–citing. Do you think you could use a girl like me to help you sell a little more paper?

AARON: You might make the business a little less dry and academic.

HOTLINE LADY: Try steamy and sultry and definitely not academic. I’m a high school drop out, yet, I have a “way” (said slowly) with words. And another question for you in regards to your career. Are you living the dream or are you living for paper?

AARON: Ha ha ha, that’s a line from the Notorious BIG hip hop movie when they meet the agent in Brooklyn. In my case, I’m living for reams and reams of paper. My dream is paper.

HOTLINE LADY: Well anyway, it was fun talking to you. I hope I steamed up your car windows adequately.

AARON: You steamed me, shocked me, but you didn’t grill me. Tomorrow I have to talk to the boss about quotas and believe you me, he’s going to grill me about every single analytic number.

HOTLINE LADY: Well let me know if you need a good marinade. Can’t grill a sales employee without a good tomato and vinegar based marinade.

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