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April 16, 2019

Notary small talk at bars

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 10:48 am

FRANK: So, do you sign here often?

SAMANTHA: Actually, I just came for a Manhattan.

FRANK: Oh, shouldn’t that be called New York County in the venue?

SAMANTHA: Only if you actually drink it in Manhattan. We’re in New Jersey.

FRANK: Oh yeah. I should have known with all of this big hair. Hey, bartender, I’ll have the ink with lime … neat.

BARTENDER: Can I see some ID?

FRANK: Hey, I’m a Notary… I ID you, not the other way around.

BARTENDER: How about we ID each other. Deal?

FRANK: I can’t live without my lime. Hey, how come there’s lyme’s disease but no other citrus diseases.

SAMANTHA: Yeah! Hey I have a question. If a bad car is a lemon, what do you call a bad lemon.

BARTENDER: I call it a car. Just kidding. Would you like wedge of a bad lemon?

FRANK: I just tried the lemon sorbetto in Beverly Hills. Excellent stuff. But, they mix the lime with basil.

SAMANTHA: I bet Thai people would like that. Lime and basil are their favorite flavors. So, bartender. Do you have a signature drink? Can I notarize the signature in the drink?

BARTENDER: I’ll never work in a Notary bar again. All people do is complain about 123notary and Snapdocs, then they crack these lame jokes faster than the ice defrosting on my counter cracks.

FRANK: Well we have a lot to complain about. We’re either being low-balled, or quizzed. I’m not sure which is worse. At least the low-ballers don’t quiz us because they want to keep us dumb.

SAMANTHA: Yup, it’s the dumbing down of American Notaries. If people would just study from 123notary’s free blog courses they would be smarting up. Just what the government doesn’t want. Because then we will see through all of their veneer.

FRANK: Are you defending this testing that is going on? I know everything I need to know about Notary work.

BARTENDER: Didn’t you get a 35% on Jeremy’s test.

FRANK: Well… um.. yeah, but the test wasn’t fair. Some of his questions were opinionated. Like the one about confirming a signing. Who does he think he is to recommend that I have them read the name on their ID. I’m sure it will match up, right?

LISA: And if it doesn’t, you just wasted two hours. Looks like Jeremy is doing you a favor by having this course. You are always complaining about wasted gas and time, not to mention toner when a job cancels while you are on your way. If you don’t check the ID by phone you have nobody to blame but yourself if you can’t complete the signing.

SAMANTHA: Or worse, you might end up in Notary jail if you notarize him with improper ID. Three strikes you’re out. Don’t drop the embosser.

FRANK: That’s better than Notary hell where you have to use a burning seal.

BARTENDER: Speaking of Notary hell. I have a drink that’s based on the whole Notary hell theme. Not a bloody Mary, but a burning mary.

SAMANTHA: You better have one. Get used to where you are going in advance.

FRANK: Thanks a lot. Notary hell, my ass.

LISA: I heard they have good proctologists in Notary hell, speaking of your ass.

FRANK: At least they probably don’t have mites there because it is a dry heat. If I waste another two hours driving without getting paid, I might just break down and read Jeremy’s course even though it is arbitrary and unfair.

SAMANTHA: Well, it’s not state specific any more, not even to California. So that’s one thing to be thankful about — unless you live in California. And by the way Frank, if you keep getting hammered, you’ll have to stay at the Notary Marriott down the street. Drinking and driving is almost as bad as drinking and signing.

FRANK: Tell me about it.

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