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July 5, 2017

Notarizing David Duke with Bernie Sanders

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 9:32 am

DAVID DUKE: Hello? I need a Notary to notarize a paper for me.

NOTARY: What type of document sir?

DAVID DUKE: It is an affidavit of anti-NON-semitism. I feel I have been discriminated against. There’s nothing worse than racism. It erodes the fabric of society (sob…)

NOTARY: Meet me at Starbucks at 3pm.

BERNIE SANDERS: Hello? I need a Notary to help me with a proposal to congress to consider having free college tuition for everybody.

NOTARY: Meet me at Starbucks at 3:10pm.

Later at Starbucks…

DAVID DUKE: Oh, you’re here. I have my document all ready. Where’s the cream? Coffee isn’t supposed to be black.

NOTARY: Aren’t you the guy who hates everybody?

DAVID DUKE: No, I don’t hate anyone. I just think that having people with different cultural sensibilities from different communities living under the same government creates friction. That and spitting in the faces of people different from me.

NOTARY: Oh, so you don’t want to kill anyone?

DAVID DUKE: No, that’s old school thinking of radical people. I’m a peaceful separationist. Especially when I separate the whites from darks on laundry day. I don’t want to hurt anyone.

NOTARY: According to your information online, you don’t like Zionism or certain power control groups. Luckily, my other signer here happens to be Jewish, but not a Zionist.

DAVID DUKE: Well thank God. There’s one more on our side.

BERNIE: I’d sooner have mayonnaise on the side of my corned beef special. Yes, I have a great issue with many discriminatory policies enacted by the state of Israel. But, you can go to college there for either free or a low cost if you can pass their impossible to pass test. So, they have something going for them, plus they have very good Yemenite food like Schoog as well as Challah. You know how it is in Israel. If it doesn’t have a gutteral sound, it doesn’t go in your mouth!

DAVID DUKE: That seems semi-fair. That way the taxpayers won’t be taxed much unless the students are worth it. But, it will be hard to pass that test given that the only people who take it are smart Jewish kids who one day will control the media.

BERNIE: You just added to the billions and billions of reasons you annoy me.

NOTARY: Yeah, and if the student is really stupid, but comes from a rich family, they can always study overseas. By the way Bernie, college is never for free. You are not the one paying for people’s college out of your pocket. It is out of Notary’s pockets that people of questionable worthiness will have their school paid for under your policies.

BERNIE: Yes, but everybody deserves a free education and health care. It’s how the world should really be. Just like I should have been nominated and beat Trump’s ass.

NOTARY: You know, I disagree with you about absolutely everything, but I just love how you sincerely believe in what you stand for and I have the utmost respect for you as a result. I’d have even more respect if you’d become a billionaire and give 90% of your money away to people who want to go to college on someone else’s tab. But, a question for Mr. Duke here now. I feel unrepresented. I feel that nobody stands for me.

DAVID DUKE: Join the club…

NOTARY: Everybody else has someone to stand for them.
The Blacks have Malcolm X and Jessie Jackson
The Latinos have Edward Olmos and Cesar Chavez
White Separatists have… well… you (for lack of a better choice.)
The Quakers have the Quaker Oats guy with the hat
The Jews have Ariel Sharon
White Liberals have Bernie over here
But, who do middle of the road white guys have to support them?

DAVID DUKE: Not Hillary Clinton

NOTARY: Amen to that!!!! And by the way, if Native Americans have the right to have reservations and live in segragation without any criticism, how come White Anglo Saxon Protestants can’t do the same?

DAVID DUKE: You’re preaching to the choir.

NOTARY: I’m talking about just a little reservation in Idaho or Alabama, not the entire 50 states like you’d like.

DAVID DUKE: I’d settle for 48. It’s just not fair. But, in the meantime let’s notarize my document. A Rabbi discriminated against me because I wasn’t Jewish. I feel very violated. It’s a case of anti-non-semitism. Why is the world so unfair to me?

BERNIE: You think the Jews are after you? You should see how the pro-Israel lobby treats me. I’m treated like self-hating Jew. I love myself and I love Judaism. I just don’t like all of the corrupt politics that goes on!

NOTARY: Hold on, I’m getting a phone call. Hello?

RABBI SHAPIRO: Yes, I’m going to need a document notarized in regards to David Duke.

NOTARY: Okay, but first I have a question for you that might sound like a Talmudic question. Which is worse, anti-semitism, or anti-NON-semitism?

RABBI SHAPIRO: You wouldn’t happen to be hanging around with Bernie Sanders and David Duke at Starbucks right now, would you?

NOTARY: Yes and come on down. I have a 3:20 appointment available. Bring your ID. And by the way, why didn’t you want to talk to him?

RABBI SHAPIRO: He’s anti-semitic because he feels that Jews discriminate against him and want to harm him which is true on account of the fact that he is anti-semitic. Now he is claiming that I am anti-NON-semitic because I refuse to talk to him. But, the real reason I couldn’t talk to him was because I needed to call a Notary. But, I forgot why I needed to call a Notary. And now I remember — to sign an affidavit claiming that I am not anti-NON-semitic.

NOTARY: So, it’s kind of like the chicken and the egg scenario. It all adds up. I can ask David to stay a few minutes extra if you’d like to meet him. Maybe you can have a peace process like they do in the Holy Land and come up with a solution. Land for peace, or some co-existence talk, etc. And if you guys disagree too vehemently, I know a guy who can build a wall.


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