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October 14, 2016

The Notary Guru — Follow me to enlightenment!

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , — admin @ 12:03 pm

Follow me and you’ll find enlightenment, claimed The Notary Guru. This turban toting charlatan had fooled many Notaries into believing in him. But, little did these desperate souls realize they were being taken for a ride.

NOTARY GURU: But, you must believe! Otherwise terrible things will happen!

FOLLOWER: But, I got certified by all these agencies and nothing happened.

NOTARY GURU: The real certification happens from within.

FOLLOWER: I’m not following you.

NOTARY GURU: How can a follower not be following me?

FOLLOWER: Okay, I’m following you again.

NOTARY GURU: You need to have inner knowledge.

FOLLOWER: And how do I get that?

NOTARY GURU: From studying

FOLLOWER: I did that and passed.

NOTARY GURU: Did you advertise on 123notary?

FOLLOWER: Of course I did.

NOTARY GURU: But, did you get reviews?

FOLLOWER: Ooops. So, that’s what I did wrong.

NOTARY GURU: It is what you didn’t do grasshopper. Look within!

FOLLOWER: I’m starting to wish I still had those X-Ray specs I bought as a kid. How will looking within help me get more reviews?

NOTARY GURU: Being mindful and asking your best clients for reviews might help.

FOLLOWER: Guru-ji, what is the sound of one hand embossing?

NOTARY GURU: The answer will come from within. In the meantime, I need this stack of 10,000 documents embossed. Emboss on, emboss off, don’t forget to breathe, very important.

FOLLOWER: Next you’ll be telling my heart – don’t forget to pump. What a quack!

NOTARY GURU: And meditate on oneness. Once you succeed at that meditate on 123-ness.

FOLLOWER: Hey, do you work for 123notary? Is this some type of scam?

NOTARY GURU: The reason you feel like this is that in a past life you were a Notary in the clerk’s office in medieval France. Your boss asked you to go to Paris to pass a higher level Notary test, but you failed and were accused of cheating. The authorities caught you and you died at the guillotine.

FOLLOWER: Talk about forgetting to breathe. Oh my God, no wonder I have such a problem with the idea of passing these tests. No wonder I have a bad attitude.

NOTARY GURU: That is part of the problem. The other part of the problem is that you have not attained 123-ness. Get some reviews on your 123notary listing and you will attain that state of being.

FOLLOWER: Wow, maybe you aren’t a quack after all. And maybe 123notary will pay out for me if only I would just do what Jeremy and the Notary Guru recommend.

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1 Comment »

  1. Love it, highly provocative and inspiring. Thank you for making my time in bed with a cold from a sick client a good one. Laughing happily….

    Comment by Jill Bernshouse — December 11, 2016 @ 12:35 am

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