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September 7, 2016

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

Yes, at Main Street Bank, things got a little out of hand. The politically correct people were furious when they found out about the scandal. They found out that Notaries were being shunned and not hired unless absolutely necessary. For a while Notaries were required by company policy to disclose if they were Notaries in the application and that an omission or misstatement in the application could lead to immediate and permanent termination (or revocation.)

Although Notaries were needed at the bank, so many of them were so bad at other tasks like answering the phone correctly, billing, and requiring companies to send documents on time that the banks got Fed up and decided that they could do without Notaries. Additionally, all of the constant complaining the Notaries did was just too much.

So, people started protesting. First of all, you could no longer use the word “Notary” because it was insentivie and also outdated. You have to use the term Notarial-American to be politically correct (and notarially correct.) You can’t use Notario either since that is illegal in many states as in Latin countries a Notario has special powers that only Attorneys have. It got to the point where you couldn’t say anything at all.

Jurats got renamed Jurat Statements, and Acknowledgments became Ackastatements. Mortgage Brokers got renamed — Agents whose clients are broke(r).

Finally, the bank caved in after much pressure. They announced a new policy of non-discrimination and non-harrassments towards Notarial-Americans. Don’t ask don’t tell. You were no longer forced to reveal to the bank if you were a Notary Public. Now due to the politically correct folks, they were forced to hire Notaries in order to protect their reputation.

But, how did this whole fiasco get started? It was when a janitor overheard the HR department talking about how bad Notaries are. The janitor snitched on them and told the Notary Protection Agency (The NPA) all about it. Once the NPA got word, that is when the protests got started. The bank president suspected the janitor had snitched all along, and the day after the first protest the bank president said —

I smell a Jurat!!!

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