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August 17, 2016

The mafia guy who could make witnesses disappear

It was late at night in front of the local bank. Two guys were doing a heist. But, there was a problem. There were two witnesses. Luckily, their Mafia friend Gioseppe happened to be at the scene. His specialty? He’s good at making witnesses disappear. But, how?

There was a Notary in the neighboring building who was doing a loan signing and a Will signing. The Notary advertise that he could provide witnesses. But, the signers didn’t give the Notary advanced notice. So, what was he to do? The Mafia guy (who had eyes everywhere) happened to see the Notary (Fred) and asked him if he could make some witnesses “disappear.” So, the Notary walked over and offered them some dough to witness the Will signing providing they “didn’t see nothing.”

The witnesses were confused. Isn’t the whole point of witnessing to see someone sign? The Notary said, well, yeah, but you didn’t see nothing else — capiche?

So, the bank robbers did their work, the witnesses appear where they were needed and disappeared where they were not, and all was well… until… the silent alarm went off. The robbers got caught a block down the street by some fast cops with GPS systems from hell. The witnesses didn’t see the crime, but did witness the conglomeration of twelve police cars. As the witnesses were walking down the street the police questioned them.

POLICE: Did you see anything?

WITNESSES: Only some crazy Notary guy who offered us $15 bucks to watch some sap sign his Will.

POLICE: Where were you before the Notary picked you up?

WITNESSES: Right next to the bank witnessing the bank before it got robbed.

POLICE: Did you notice anything unusual about the bank then?

WITNESSES: We noticed that it was not being robbed. Then, once our backs were turned, everything changed.

NOTARY: Walking by. Hey guys, please give my card to the criminals just in case they need a Notary who travels to jails. I also can act as a witness.

POLICE: Did you witness anything tonight?

NOTARY: Hey buddy, I charge 10 bucks to act as a witness – in advance. You’re seven minutes too late. Maybe next time. But, you gotta pay me a few minutes BEFORE the robbery, that way I can witness it — capiche?

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