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May 28, 2015

The Mayan Rescission Calendar

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular on Linked In — Tags: — admin @ 10:52 am

And yes, I know what you’re thinking — the day the end of the world comes is a Federal Holiday according to the Mayans.

If you think it is hard using the Christian calendar with the American Federal holidays, think of how hard the Mayans had it. They had to calculate using 20 day months, and 18 months per year, and then the Mayan holidays, the Aztec holidays if they were under Aztec occupation, and then the local village tribal holidays. The problem is that each holiday used a different calendar. The Mayans had two calendars that they used at the same time, each using a completely different network of interlocking time periods. How confusing.

Good old Xipil was off to do a notarization for a refinance on a pyramid. But, the loan had five days to cancel, otherwise he would be damned to hell for a period no less than five Baktuns (which is a long time using the Mayan calendar.) He brough his rescission calendar to the job. It was not easy lugging those stone tablets around, but when you are dedicated, you are dedicated. Luckily, traffic was light, and he didn’t run into any jaguars. Please keep in mind that during Mayan times they had jaguars (which were an omen,) but no Ferraris until Italian immigrant Luis Ferrari showed up. So, Xipil got to the Pyramid where the refinance was scheduled. He was instructed to use the back door, and not to touch the Gods on the wall.

Hmmm, I wonder what happens if I touch the God’s on the wall? I bet ten arrows will suddenly come flying towards me. Maybe I should try this wearing a metal suit. But, I don’t have time to go back home to try this. Or, maybe the floor will collapse. Do I really want to risk this? No, I’ll just stick to the paperwork. After all, I’m not Indiana Jones, I’m Xipil Tlaxahapatl the Notary! Finally the signer showed up.

MARY: Yeah, I’m refinancing this pyramid. It’s not much, but it’s all we have. We do our rituals here.

XIPIL: Sounds good. Just as long as you don’t sacrifice me if you don’t like your APR.

MARY: I think it will be alright. I just called the Lender. He says I get an extra day because National Xacoatl Day is in three days, and we all take the day off and drink hot chocolate with ground seeds and hot pepper in it. So, I get an extra day to rescind.

XIPIL: Oh, I completely forgot. My stone tablets must be out of date. I’ll just download some new tablets from Google. That is actually my favorite holiday. Love the spicy stuff. I heard that was a great war potion back a few hundred years ago when everyone was fighting.

MARY: Yeah, thank God the fighting has died down.

XIPIL: Wow, your payments seem a bit high. Is that a hardship for your family?

MARY: Somewhat. We are making a huge sacrifice… Oh, I guess that didn’t come out sounding so good. I mean we are making a huge commitment to keep our pyramid fully functionl.

XIPIL: And by the way, what happens if I touch the God to the left? Do poisoned arrows shoot out from some myserious place?

MARY: No, it’s nothing like that. 2,000,000 scorpions will appear out of all of the crevices of the pyramid and they will crawl all over you and bite you to death.

XIPIL: Ouch. If that happens, then they will have one less prospective person to sacrifice?

MARY: Yes, or perhaps that will become the new and more fun way of sacrificing people. It would be fun to watch.

XIPIL: I’ve never seen that before. I feel like I am somehow missing out.

MARY: Don’t feel bad, we all are!

XIPIL: Anyway, just sign here in scorpion ink and we’re done! Congratulations, and enjoy your pyramid. Enjoy the rest of your day and have a nice end of the world.

MARY: You too.


You might also like:

The reset button for Mayan loans

Cortez was shocked when the Aztec Notaries wanted it signed in blood!



  1. I did get some chuckles out of this blog. Just remember, it isn’t the ancient Mayans who have a federal holiday for the end of the world, but pseudo historians who add their own apocalyptic theories to the ancient Mayan belief that time was cyclical. A real historian in an internet post I read compared it to turning the page on your calendar at the end of the month. Maybe we should have a federal holiday to laugh at all the nuts who put out these crazy end of the world predictions. The down side is that borrowers would be laughing to hard to remember to cancel their loans.

    Comment by Pete Begly — June 14, 2015 @ 2:29 pm

  2. There’s seems to be a moral to this story? Something about rescission of a contract, and following the lender instructions? Recession can be different contract to contract. What does that name mean, or is there a message in the agent’s name. Maybe, federal holidays don’t count when calculating the right to rescission, and may differ state to state? I like the story is creative.

    Comment by Rick Ware — June 15, 2015 @ 7:19 pm

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