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August 22, 2014

Notary Pit Stop

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: — admin @ 8:42 pm

I just love the new Cheerios commercial where the race car driver drives a little kid to school, and then they have a pit stop in front of the school where the kid fuels up on cereal. Very unique and classy commercial. The sports car was pretty cool too. Maybe I’ll see it driving around Los Angeles. But, what about having a notarial pit stop?

Racecar Driver Susan puts on her helmet, leaves her house and gets into her Ferrari notary race car. And she’s off. She leaves her house, she makes a perfect left turn at the light — uh oh, don’t hit Toto… NO, not the lawn… okay… and she makes a right turn, runs an orange light, and miraculously doesn’t get pulled over. Finally she makes it to the Johnson’s house.

The Johnson’s are going to do a notary signing. But, the signing will not be in their dining room like signings at “normal” people’s houses. They are not going to sign in their driveway either. That would take a few extra tenths of a second for the notary to get in and out. They are going to sign on the side of the street on a foldable Nascar Notary table. The Nascar Notary table is light, but built tough to last. It doesn’t topple over too easily either as it has two rounded two fee wide legs on either side of this rounded table.

Susan pulls off the road next to the curb. The table crew race over with the signing table. Ralph runs over with the signer’s ID in his stunning Nascar outfit with matching helmet (just in case he falls during his ten foot run from the lawn to the car.) Sammy runs over with the documents. The signers have rehearsed where they are going to sit, and have practiced running from the lawn to the table six hundred times over the last week to make sure they don’t lose even a single nanosecond during their signing. Last, the pen guy runs over with pens. He has substitute pens just in case. All of what I described in this paragraph happened 3.4 seconds by the way.

Everyone is seated, the notary has her stamp in a velcro pocket in her outfit for fast pulling out. Her journal was kept in the door of the car, and she has it in her hand. They are all set to go. Documents are on the table. Mr. Johnson signs one, turns it over, signs another, turns it over, Mrs. Johnson flips the document back up, signs it, and puts it on the done pile. The clock is ticking. 40.2 seconds have passed, and they are done with the Deed of Trust

Meanwhile, Ralph is taking readings on Susan’s tire pressure. Time for an extra half a pound on the rear left tire. But, wait, Mrs. Johnson has a question. Oh no! That will take time.

Mrs. Johnson: “Why is my APR higher than my rate?”
Ralph: Holds up a sign with the answer to that question “Right here ma’am”

Ralphs sign had the answer to Mrs. Johnson’s question. Ralph’s boss anticipated close to three hundred frequently asked questions and had signs to quickly answer all of those questions. The sign explained how the rate is based on the payments expressed as a percentage rate from the amount borrowed, while the APR was based on the monthly payments compared to the amount borrower after the fees and closing costs, PMI and a few other costs had been deducted, and expressed as a compounded annual rate. Mrs. Johnson read the sign, and understood the answer in 12.5 seconds. We didn’t loose too much time here.

And they are almost done. But, wait… Mr. Johnson has to explain in two paragraphs or less why he was late on a Mortgage payment back in 1997. He can’t even remember.

Mr. Johnson: “Honey, weren’t we on vacation in Acapulco in 1997. Isn’t that why we were late on our Mortgage payment?”
Mrs. Johnson: “No, it was because the bill got lost in the mail that month. Acapulco was in 1998.”
Mr. Johnson: “Good memory!”

Finally, Mrs. Johnson signed the last form and they are done! Ralph loads the documents and the journal and puts them in the front passenger door. Susan puts her seal in her velcro pocket, and vroom — she is off!

The entire signing took 6 minutes and 37.5 seconds. Not bad for a 95 page loan signing. Meanwhile, Susan drives two blocks down the street to her next stop which is a quick Fanta orange soda break. She wanted that to be 4.6 seconds, but they had to go slower because of the carbonation.

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